Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Lifter of My Head

It is another beautiful day outside, but inside life is not so beautiful. I thought that I was out of the "chemo slump." The nausea. The fatigue. The puny feeling. I don't know how to accurately describe it to someone who has not experienced it. But I thought that I was over it. I was feeling better on the weekend. My energy level was up. I was eating well. But now I'm lethargic and slightly nauseous again. No appetite. But I need to eat to get stronger. [There's the rub, says William Shakespeare.] I slept most of the afternoon yesterday and most of the morning today.

My wife tells me not to beat myself up. It's all part of the process. I have to take the good days and the bad days. These days we are truly thankful for each day we have together. [A few months ago, I remember asking God to be able to see my son graduate from high school.] It's not that we think that cancer will take my life any day now, but we are trying to live with the perspective that each day is a precious gift from God and tomorrow is never a guarantee - for any of us.

She encouraged me with a verse of Scripture from Psalm 145:14, The LORD upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down.

God raises up all who are bent down under a burden. Bent beneath their loads. God lifts us up under our burdens. He helps us bear up under the pressure. To endure for His glory.

The weight may be a chronic illness. Financial stress. A college student's workload of papers, projects, and exams. A difficult marriage. A struggle with sin. We all have burdens. We all have weights to bear.

When we feel like we about to fall, to collapse under the weight of the pressures of living in a fallen world, we can cry our to God as the psalmist did. We will find that God is great and worthy of praise, that He is powerful, that He is righteous, that He is gracious and compassionate, that He is faithful, that He is near, and that He watches over all that love Him.

We make a huge mistake when we think it's all about us. It's all about Him and what He can do. We bear up under the pressure, with His help, because that is His will for us. It is for His glory. It is part of His plan.

But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift my head. Psalm 3:3

1 comment:

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