Ooh, Feel the Sensation!

Well, I did it today. I am finally bald. It feels like I’m wearing a York Peppermint Patty on my head. Ooh, feel the sensation!

On a more serious note . . .

A reader posted a comment today and asked if you all might only be reading the “cream of [my] thoughts.” She asked if I ever feel sadness, grief, fear, or anger. Especially anger about the possibility of dying sooner than imagined.

First, I have tried to be completely open and honest about what we are going through. I haven’t tried to hide any feelings. We have had moments of sadness and have shed some tears over the “what ifs?”. There have been fears about specific procedures and needles. Mostly needles. But we have not experienced what I would call grief. And we have never been angry at God. The insurance company – okay, a few times!

As far as being angry about the possibility of dying sooner than imagined, I have not experienced that emotion either. Now I realize that this is, in part, due to the fact that my oncologists have positive expectations about the outcome of my treatment. Death has not come up as an option. On the other hand, my wife and I realize that there are no guarantees, and we have discussed the possibility. Again, there are some fears about leaving my wife and children behind, but I do know that they will be in good hands. I trust God. He can take care of them much better than I can! [I’m weeping as I write this.] But there is no anger. God numbers our days. Each day we have is a gift from Him. There is no guarantee of a tomorrow for any of us. I trust Him completely in this. That may sound odd to some people, but that is my attitude. It is an attitude grounded in the Word of God and championed by the Holy Spirit that indwells me.

I also know that God made each one of us a little different. We all handle things differently. We have different emotions. And God knows our emotions. And He can handle our questions. So when we have fears, sadness, or anger, we can run to Him for help.

I do not want to come off sounding like I have all the answers. I do not. I am only six weeks into the battle. But I know what I believe. I know what God tells me in His Word. I know the One who has all the answers. And I know the One who gives me life.