The Hokey Pokey

Final Post

2008-11-25T08:31:00.005-05:00

James Michael Bond

December 17, 1962 - November 25, 2008

...absent from the body, and present with the Lord

(2 Corinthians 5:8)

Random Acts of a Family's Love

2008-11-24T14:00:00.014-05:00

This is a blog entry to share a testimony of what I have observed in our home this past month. I have watched an incredible love shared by a couple who are traveling through life together and aiming to glorify God during their journey. I have witnessed tenderness, compassion and an unconditional love from a wife caring for her husband in his final days. I have also seen great concern from a husband for his wife when she is left behind. He knows that God will take care of her and his children but he has been thorough in trying to help them with future decisions. He has even helped with Christmas plans for his family. I am sure he has spent many hours praying for each of them.

There is much care to be done for a person who is confined to bed. His wife is a self sacrificing servant and helpmate. She is an incredible inspiration to me. I know there are many people praying for her because she has had a supernatural energy to care for her husband at this time. She hasn't slept through the night in weeks (maybe months). She is diligent in giving medications (even shots - I call her Nurse Jane Fuzzy Wuzzy) around the clock to help alleviate Jim's pain and caring for his physical needs. She holds his hands often and prays aloud for him. She has taken her wedding vows seriously for twenty-one years, "...to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, forsaking all others till death do us part." They have been at our house for 25 days, and she has not left our house to go anywhere (except the front porch and back porch). She is the most diligent caregiver I have ever watched. She has been at his bedside caring for him and loving him every moment of every day. She often crawls into his hospital bed and lays beside him just to feel his closeness. She treasures each day. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

My friend and her 18 year old son have been an incredible team and work very well together. Their son put his dream at West Point on hold to come home to serve and help care for his dad. This is something he didn't even question doing. I picked him up at West Point November 1st and he has been here since. His dad has been an exemplary role model, and they share an unshakable faith in Jesus Christ. There is no greater legacy to leave behind! It has been a blessing to hear him and his dad play songs together on their guitars. They share a passion for singing songs to their Savior. It sounded like heaven on earth as they strummed together. They play well together. Another blessing for our family to witness! He has an incredible respect and love for his dad. When I had an opportunity to tell Jim that he did a fine job raising this young man, he just smiled and said "James". It was a very sweet moment. He is very proud of him.

I have been grateful for their sons computer skills on more than one occasion. He has beenextremely helpful and willing to explain things to me. He has been staying in shape for the rigorous exercise at West Point by working out at a local gym, chopping and hauling firewood for us, helping out at basketball practice, running errands (we always need a gallon of milk) and running after a 3 year old and 5 year old. Our 11 year old son shared with his physician that he was so happy to have an 18 year old (like a big brother) in the house that played and joked around with him. It is a joy to have him in our house. I even enjoyed our trip to the eye doctor today. His favorite quote is "What's today? Today's Monday and that means absolutely nothing!" I'm sure our days are not as structured as life at West Point.

Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. For I too was a son to my father, still tender, and cherished by my mother. Then he taught me, and he said to me, Take hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands, and you will live. Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them. Proverbs 4: 1-5 (NIV)

I have watched a very tenderhearted 14 year old daughter hold her dad's hands and her eyes sparkle when her dad was able to acknowledge her in some way. She is very helpful in our home and always offering to do dishes, do homework with the younger ones in our home, set the table, make lunches for six school children, etc. We have shared tears, concerns, questions, and wonderful memories about her dad. She is a pleasure to be around, and her Christian testimony is strong. She starts the day and ends the day with, "I Love You Daddy". I am sure that is music to Jim's ears.

Jim has a special place in his heart for his young daughter. When he found out that his cancer was terminal, he felt the urgency to get to the jewelry store to get her a purity ring. It is beautiful (two hearts that are connected and have rubies inside the hearts). This was a priority since he would be unable to be here for her 16th birthday. He is very thoughtful!! It will be a special gift from her dad forever. He adores his "Little girl" who is becoming a beautiful young lady!

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3

And be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Our family has enjoyed listening to the prayers of their 5 year old son. At each meal he prays for his dad's leg to be healed. He has a childlike faith and is very excited his dad is going to be with Jesus soon. I'm not sure he understands fully what that means, but I do know his faith is a trusting faith. He will know, hear, and read of his father's love for and relationship with Jesus Christ. His prayers will soon be answered with his dad receiving a glorified body. Jesus said,"Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3

Excerpts from my journal from life at our house this month:

Fri. 10-31-08 Jim is very grateful for welcoming his family into our home. It is uncomfortable to be thanked. This is serving our Lord and Savior in the most intimate of ways. What a privilege and honor!

Sat. 11-6-08 3:11am Jim is in an incredible amount of pain. Please help his wife and son to be strong and not weary. Jim has said he wants to see Jesus yet he will miss his family terribly. He is a man of incredible virtue, love and compassion. Lord, I understand your timing is perfect and I will trust in that.

Sun. 11-6-08 Jim's wife and I talked about God's amazing and perfect plan. God knows they are planners. Jim and his family have been able to plan Jim's departure from earth and entrance into the glories of heaven! That has been a gift!

Sat. 11-22-08 Jim is funny today. He kept winking at his wife and smiling at her. He is at ease in her presence. Their love is particularly tender and sweet. It is a treasure to watch!

There have been many tears shed, hugs shared, and much laughter during this time. All have been treasured moments that can't be described in words. We have had some wonderful memories together (all 12 of us). Some of them are: exercising, roasting marshmallows, watching movies, singing praise songs, praying aloud, folding laundry (for the 100th time), building forts, trying to figure out algebraic equations, stamping cards, a trip to the Barber's shop for all the boys, cutting and stacking wood, organizing cabinets, target practice, mud fights, a grapefruit toss, eating, eating and more eating! These are just a few that come to mind.

Jim's wife and I were able to sing "This Is The Day" at Jim's bedside today. The song included the lyrics...This is the day that the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it, and be glad in it and we will enter his gates with thanksgiving in our hearts, we will enter his courts with praise, ... I have observed a family truly rejoicing at the celebration of a father and husband's life.

Jim recently told a couple, when they came to visit him, to cherish each other and to love their family with all their hearts. Time is short for all of us... Forgive one another and love one another! Today two more people received a blog card with Jim's website! He is unable to communicate verbally right now, yet his life is still impacting other's for God's Glory! AMEN!!!

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perserverance; perserverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5:3-5

A Wife's Perspective

2008-11-21T13:55:00.017-05:00

Many people have been asking how my husband is doing and some are keeping up with our daughter's blog to find out that information. What she writes concerning her father is the information that I tell her she may share. I will not go into any details, but my husband's earthly body decays more each day. I did ask my husband yesterday if he was able to pray when he lies in the bed mostly unresponsive and he nodded his head. It is a comfort to me that he is still in communion with his heavenly Father even when My husband is unable to converse with us."Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day," (II Corinthians 4:16 NKJV).

I am grateful to our older son who helps me care for my husband every day. He had been wondering when the time would be for him to come home from West Point and would constantly say to me, "Mom, I NEED to know when to come home to be with Dad." He wanted me to ask the doctor when the time would be, and I would "quiz" the hospice nurse each visit to know if THIS would be the weekend our son should not return to the Academy on Sunday. No one could tell the appropriate time and it would have been hard to ask him to leave the Academy not knowing how long he would have to be home. We were not glad about the turn of events with my husband breaking his femur on October 26th, however, it was then that we knew that it was time for our son to return home. God is sovereign in ALL things. (The Academy has been great in continuing to show their support for our son during this time.)

As our daughter said, he has been on oxygen. It has been over a week for that measure and it is just to make him comfortable. As of yesterday, he is restless and often takes it off, but accepts me putting it back in place. He doesn't always respond to a question, but is always listening. He ALWAYS acknowledges me with a smile, a wink, or an eyebrow-raise when I tell him that I love him. He is still able to communitcate how much he loves me! He reaches often for a hand to hold if a person is close by his bed and waves most times when someone new enters the room.

This morning, he did ask if we were packed and said he needed clothes and was ready to go home. I am assuming he meant his heavenly home that awaits him. I read to him from a Billy Graham devotional book given to me by a friend earlier this fall. Actually, today was the last entry in the book. It was titled, "With God Forever!" The scriptures mentioned in the devotion were: II Corinthians 5:1; Luke 10:20; II Corinthians 5:8; I Thessaloninas 4:17; and Revelation 21: 3-4. How comforting to both of us to know that when we die we will be with God forever!

He is restless and his breathing is much different that ever before. Although he drinks between two to six ounces of liquid a day, he has not eaten now in 12 days. Actually, he has displayed all of the signs that have been spelled out for me in the handout from hospice entitled, "Signs and Symptoms of Approaching Death".

I am not a writer, other than my own personal journal, but I felt this morning that I should post an entry on the blog. Many have been saying that they miss my husband's writing. I too miss it and the way his teaching challenges me personally. He has not only been my best friend and husband for 21 years, he has been the spritual leader of our family for over 15 years, and my pastor for over seven years. Our older son asks me what will I do with my time once my husband is gone. I will be grateful for the time to compile his sermons that I have access to; the emails sent by colleagues, friends, students, and former students; and to create a scrapbook of photos. All these will be part of my process of grieving and of healing. They will also be wonderful gifts for our three children to have to remember their Dad, and to know who he was and the impact the Lord allowed him to make. These will be instrumental in helping our five-year-old son to really KNOW who his Dad was. I remarked to my friend we're living with that my husband used to pray for at least 50 people at the church that we helped plant. (God is continuing to bless that church under a new pastor.) God had such other plans for my husband and gave him a pulpit on line with WAY more than 50 lives to reach for the gospel of Christ. (As of November 19th, there have been 27,911 people who visited the blog!) MAY GOD BE GLORIFIED!

We are overwhelmed by the provision of meals, transportation, boxed food and supplies, baked goods, monetary support for our two families during this time while we are here with our good friends. The phone calls, emails, cards, and other correspondence continue to encourage us. I do read to my husband, although at this point he has a very short attention span and memory. I was speaking with a friend from Georgia today about having difficulty being able to focus in prayer at this particular time of my life and she referred to all those that are lifting me and our family(ies) up to the throne for us. For that I am most grateful. That is a precious gift, to pray for God to uphold someone undergoing a trial when that particular person is in the "trenches".

Thank you all for your continued prayers! God has been and continues to be so faithful to us! Throughout each day He reveal so much to us, whether it is revolving around the strength necessary for caregiving, guidance in becoming a single parent (since my husband is unable to help me in decision-making, disciplining, etc...), or the promise of the eternal life that awaits my husband in the near future. This will be my only post, however, my husband has prepared a final post to be displayed at the appropriate time. Please pray for my husband to slip peacefully into eternity with his Savior.

Another Blog from Winston

2008-11-12T21:40:00.002-05:00

Hi, Friends!
This is another message from Winston.
Until another post is up, to learn about how jmichael is doing, you can look at his daughter's blog, which is www.sunshineforhim.blogspot.com
Thanks!
Winston

A Message from Winston

2008-11-09T16:29:00.003-05:00

My name is Winston. Occasionally, I paw (step) in for j michael on the blog when he is unable to do so.

Lately, he has been unable to compose any blog entries, and I am hoping to get my fifteen minutes of fame.

A Challenge

2008-11-08T16:41:00.010-05:00

This entry is pointed to a very select group of people (actually two groups), but has been on my heart for some time now.

First, to those of you in our local churches that have an opportunity to influence the twenty-somethings, the college-age people:

1. What are you doing to encourage these young adults that are our future church leaders: Sunday School teachers, deacons, Bible study teachers, small group leaders, asssistant pastors, missionaries, etc. ?

2. Is there a particular ministry in which you are presently involved where you can bring a young person alongside you and train them? Perhaps as a teaching assistant in a Sunday School class. Or can you encourage a young person to get involved in the homeless ministry? Or a missions project? Or a music ministry? Or can you identify and encourage a young man to pursue a pastoral ministry? THERE IS NO REASON FOR OUR CHURCH NOT TO IDENTIFY, ENCOURAGE, AND SUPPORT A YOUNG MAN IN PURSUING MINISTRY.

3. Is there a particular young person in the church for which God has given you a burden? Ae you willing to take on this young person in a mentoring relationship?

And now for the twenty-somethings:

1. What gifts, talents, resources, etc. has God given you t0 be used in ministry in the local church?

2. In what areas of ministry is God leading you to pursue? Do you have a particular passion for a certain ministry?

3. Is there a particular adult involved in a ministry that you would like to follow?

You are the future of our local church ministry. I want to encourage you to pray about your involvement in how God is leading you.

Fraternity Friends Finally Released from Photographic Captivity

2008-11-08T14:47:00.005-05:00

More captured photographs were released this past week after intense negotiations with Canon rebels. On a Saturday afternoon in early October we had a surprise visit from two of my fraternity brothers from Dickinson College - Larry and Scott. They also brought along Scott's son Seth. In the photo below, Scott is kneeling so that Larry's height (or lack thereof) is not highlighted.

As we gather for dinner, Larry must be saying something worth listening to, judging by the expression on my face.

Again, although not seen in the picture, Larry must be saying something important enough to hold my attention as well as Scott's.

Larry appears in the photo, our attention still riveted on his every word.

It was a great visit. I had not seen Larry in about twelve years -we used to see him almost every year when we lived in Atlanta and he traveled there on business. We saw Scott at least once in Atlanta , when he visited for a wedding.

Anyway, it was nice to "catch up" with old friends. And I enjoyed getting to know Scott's son Seth a little bit. A fine young man can only be the result of fine, loving parents.

Woodall Visit

2008-11-08T14:14:00.004-05:00

These photographs were taken when the Woodall Family visited us in early October. The images, since that time, have been trapped inside a rebel camera. Recently, they have been released from captivity and have been made available to the public.

Below, is one of the Woodall girls, smiling mischieviously, as she plays in our living room.

Here, Kristie Woodall holds their younger son, Wyatt. It was such a joy to have a toddler in our home for a week. Can you feel the love between this mother and her son?

Jamie and Kristie demonstrate their youthful playfulness. Their vitality filled our house for a week. As did their love for the Lord and their desire to share it with others. They were an incredible encouragement to us. We pray for God's blessing upon them as they serve Him as church planters in the upper regions of Michigan.

Our younger son and the Woodall's younger daughter stop playing for a moment to pose for a photograph.

God has blessed our family with many good friends. Friends who encourage us to live for Him. Friends who are not afraid to exhort us. Friends who are not afraid to tell us the truth in love. Friends who are truly friends because our friendship is grounded in our relationship with Jesus Christ Himself.

Pilgrim Day

2008-11-08T13:57:00.002-05:00

Our daughter and younger son pose for Pilgrim Day. Our son is dressed as an American Indian, complete with face paint.

Here, my son is joined by the two younger McLaughlin girls. While our son's smile is still tentative, the girls' smiles show that they are eager to enjoy the day!

It is such a joy for me to to be able to experience each day through the eyes of my own children as well as those of the McL children. From morning good-byes, to afternoon hellos, to evening good-nights (and occasional family devotionals with the families combined), I have been blessed to be able to be part of two wonderful families.

Relating to Paul's Tension

2008-11-08T09:47:00.011-05:00

It is about 9a as I open my Bible this morning and begin to allow the Spirit of God use the Word of God to direct my thinking for the day.

I have been thinking about what Paul wrote in Philippians 1:21-26.

For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit for my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you. And being confident of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy of faith, that your rejoicing for me may be more abundant in Jesus Christ by my coming to you again.

Though I am no Paul, and my circumstances are somewhat different, I feel some of the tension that he must have felt - he longed to die and to see His Savior face-to-face. This is the "gain" he speaks of in dying. I know that if I die, I have the confidence that comes from being "in Christ" - having a genuine personal relationship with Him . . . Paul expresses this confidence in 2 Corinthians 5:6-8:

So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith., not by sight. We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.

Paul often refers to his life, the life of being a follower of Christ, as being "in Christ." He is in Christ and Christ in Him. As MacArthur says: "For Paul, life is summed up in Jesus Christ; Christ was his reason for being . . . Death would relieve him of earthly burdens and let him focus totally on glorifying God . . . Paul knew that if he died he would have complete, conscious, intimate, unhindered fellowship with his Lord."

Paul's tension was between his desire to be with the Lord and his desire to remain and help build the church. While I cannot even pretend to equate my ministry to Paul, I have a desire to remain and do all I can to encourage my good friends and brothers in Christ - couples such as the Woodalls and Wolfes (and others) - who are laboring daily to build up the saints and answering God's call to build His church. More so, I have a desire to be here for my family - to do more to help strengthen their faith, to teach them the things that I am learning, to encourage them to live whole-heartedly for Christ.

At the same time, I am confident that, when I am gone, all will go well without me. God's work will continue. My family will have the care and encouragement they need.

Paul wrote, in 2 Corinthian 5:9,

Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him.

This is our motivation for making a prior determination to please the Lord. Each day that I wake up, I pray that the way I use my time, the way that I interact with those that God places into my life - family, friends, even strangers - is well pleasing to the Lord. And I pray that I leave behind a legacy that is well pleasing to the Lord as well. That, as Steve Green sings, all who come behind [me] find [me] faithful.

It is now a little after 1 p. My wife, older son and I have just experienced a very emotional time as my body is showing signs of weakening. The two of them have ministered to my needs lovingly and patiently, but I know that it is difficult for them to see me in such pain and discomfort. These times are also a reminder that they will soon have to deal with the reality of my passing - and that I will not be able to provide them with encouragement through it - but I remind them that the Lord Himself will be with them. He will walk with them through the process. And He has already provided friends and family for that support.

Chinese Food and Fellowship

2008-11-08T00:08:00.003-05:00

Rod and Pastor Matt prepare to serve up our Chinese take-out food.

I am the recipient of the first plate of food,which includes General Tsao's chicken, shrimp lo mein, crab rangoon, shrimp fried rice, and an egg roll.

Rod and Pastor Matt are all smiles after dinner. Could it be the the great food, the Boston Cream Pie, the strong coffee, or the MSG? Or the great fellowship?

The ladies are also full of smiles. But a little more relaxed. Carol is happy that she is finally going to find a place on our bookcase.

Friday Is a Good Day to Pursue Love

2008-11-07T06:56:00.008-05:00

I am starting to limit my postings somewhat. We will see. This blog thing can be addicting, But time with my family is far more important - and far more addicting!

I had a visit from a hospice nurse and an aide the day before yesterday. I was cleaned up, bathed, shampooed, and pampered. It was almost like a morning at the spa. It is probably good that I have never experienced a day at a spa, so I have nothing really to compare it to - except my own imagination of what it would be like! I do imagine that a spa experience is not quite as painful! [Of course, I would not be going to a spa having a fractured femur!)

Mid-day, my wife insisted that I take a nap. I took her advice and it was great! I slept for almost two hours and woke up feeling very refreshed - and, as a result, I was able to be more alert last evening.

Yesterday afternoon, Pastor Matt and I were able to to have a nice visit with few interruptions. Lord willing, I was able to be an encouragement to Him. I know that He was and is a huge encouragement to me!

He is a man of the Word. He studies God's Word and seeks to present it in a way that is accurate, comprehensible, and challenging to all who listen with open hearts and minds. He uses the right amount of humor and personal illustrations to demonstrate that he has sufficiently wrestled with the truth in his own life.

We were able to discuss how God brought us together, to work together, but how our plans turned out to be significantly different from God's plan for the year that we worked together.

He listened to me patiently and graciuosly as I gave him my unsolicited advice (Truthfully, the advice that I gave him originally came from his own mouth to me, and I simply took the opportunity to put it back in his court!) - to seek God's vision for Canaan - not to be limited by what we know we can do, by what we know we can afford. Let's ask: God, what do you want us to be and do? We know you have the resources. We know You will provide. Your resources are limitless! (Think about how God sent the Israelites away from Egypt with all of the treasure amassed by this pagan nation,) What can we do to fulfill your plan for our church? Yes, God, You are sovereign and You will have Your way - but we have a responsibility to do our part to see that Your will be done. His sovereignty. Our responsibility. Both are important.

If I had time, I would write a book about my weekly discussions with Pastor Matt. A Tuesdays with Morrie kind of thing. He encourages me to live each moment I have here on earth for the glory of God, yet reassures me that all will be well when I am gone.

Pastor Matt is a man after God's own heart. He is not perfect. But he loves God. He loves the Word of God and seeks to follow it. He loves his family. And he loves the people that God has placed under his care.

Pastor Matt is everything I had hoped to be as a pastor. It was a great blessing for me to serve alongside him for a year. And I know that we will, one day soon, be worshiping our Great God and Savior together - with all the other saints - for eternity! Come, Lord Jesus!

Later in the afternoon, I had a nice visit from Phil and Debbie Thompson. They dropped by a wonderful meal prepared by Phil's mother, Martha. Debbie has been such a great help and encourager during this time. From fresh-baked rolls, to encouraging e-mails, to acts of kindness of which I am not even aware - but God knows! - she has humbly served our family in so many ways.

Phil is a quiet, humble man of God. He seeks to please God, but never in a way that draws attention to himself. Yesterday, as he prayed for me and for my family, his love for us was genuine, his compassion was evident. Thank you, Phil.

For those of you who read this blog regularly, please know that I am not intentionally singling out certain persons for the purpose of puffing them up or setting them above others who God has used to encourage us. Many, many people have been used by God in this way. At the same time, I do not want to downplay the importance of these dear friends I mention. I simply want others to know, that in these times of uncertainty, God provides fellow believers to encourage and refresh us. All of us should be ready to serve our Great God in this way.

Yesterday evening, after dinner and a healthy second bowl of MCCIC - I shared a bowl with Pastor Matt earlier in the afternoon (just another example of the kind of sacrifices my friends make for me) - I reviewed science notes and Bible notes with my daughter, and I reviewed K-5 and AWANA work with my younger son.

I had a short telephone conversation with Jamie Woodall, but we were both too tired to go very deep.

I am not sure what time I fell asleep, but I slept well.

When I first looked at the clock this morning, it was 5:45 a. I took my first dose of pain medication at 6a.

It is now 8:30 a. All of the children came in to see me before leaving for school - the younger ones were all dressed for Pilgrim Day. The children saying good-bye in the morning and watching them cross the (septic) mound on their way to board the bus is one of the highlights of my day.

Reading 1 Corinthians 13 this morning, I got caught on the final verse, verse 13 . . .

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three, but the greatest of these is love.

Love is the key virtue of God. Love is the key virtue of all who claim to know and follow Christ.

John MacArthur says:

Heaven will be the place for the expression of nothing but perfect love toward God and each other.

1 Corinthians 14:1 begins with the command to pursue love.

A good goal for this day: pursue love.

I'll Be Right Back!

2008-11-06T21:52:00.007-05:00

More photographs from life in the woodland retreat . . .

The Brady Bunch has nothing on us! Here, seven of our combined eight children (our older son is missing) pose around my bed. It is such a blessing to be surrounded by such youthful vitality.

My wife demonstrates her strength as she lifts our 175-pound son off the floor. The oldest McL daughter serves as a spotter.

One of the younger McL ladies demonstrates her gymnastic flexibility. I apologize for the picture being sideways - you will have to tilt your head!

Our older son is doing something here - I am not sure if he is dancing or working out! Ditto on the apology for the sideways picture.

Our daughter and her friend are lifting our son off the ground at the Army-Air Force football game.

And last, but certainly not least . . .

Our older son, with paper products and reading

material in hand, says: "I'll be right back!"

Independence Day

2008-11-06T08:15:00.003-05:00

This morning brought a new day. Another glorious day to live for Him and for others.

Last night, I was exhausted. I seems like I am losing steam earlier each day. Another limitation that I must learn to accept. I must learn to let go of more of my "independence." I must let my wife check my blogs before I post them. I must learn to trust her when she tells me that it is time to put the laptop away. I must trust that she has my best interest and the glory of our Father in mind.

Taking her advice, I accepted a "morphine cocktail" to help alleviate the pain and help me sleep better. Overall, it was quite effective.

Earlier in the evening, Diane, one of the hospice nurses, and Linda, another hospice aide, came by to bathe me. They were very gentle with me; I appreciated the care that they provided for me. Diane gave me permission to increase my Dilaudid dosage from 10 mg to 12 mg every two hours.

It is a relatively quiet day here today. The two youngest boys from the two families are playing together nicely. My older son is sitting here with me, waiting to help his mom take care of my morning needs. He and Mrs. McL also have plans to help me get some paperwork accomplished.

We are anticipating a visit from Pastor Matt and Carol - always a welcome treat as they lift us up and help us to focus on our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Before leaving this morning post, I want to share some thoughts about what God is teaching me through His Word and through the encoragement of others.

As for God, His way is perfect, the word of the LORD is proven; He is a shield to all trust in Him. Psalm 18:30.

In Psalm 18, the writer describes the character of those who may may dwell with the LORD: integrity, justice, reliability, personal accountability, and respectfulness of others.

In Psalm 23, a very familiar psalm, and a comfort to all who are hurting, the psalmist reminds us that we are like sheep -we have wandered away from the care of the Shepherd. Jesus Christ is my Shepherd who protects us and provides for us. Because of Him, I shall have no want - He goes before me and meets my every need. He has demonstrated this time and time again over this past year. Because of this, I will fear no evil. Jesus Christ will protect me. This is particularly true as I consider my thought life. As my mind plays tricks on me. I am pleased to be able to concur with David. My cup runneth over. [I'm not talking about spilling my coffee, but that does happen!] God has so filled my days with joy that it canot be contained. The joy I have in the midst of these times of uncertainty spill out, Lord , into the lives of those who are observing our lives.

In Psalm 63, David expresses his intense love for God, his longing to be in the presence of God. To see Him . To remember His power. To anticipate His judgments. He is committed to following His Lord.

May I have this same commitment to our Lord today.

The Boys and the Big Rig

2008-11-05T13:13:00.008-05:00

On Tuesday, our boys were treated to a visit by a "big rig" thanks to a friend working for Keri's family next door at Strawberry Hill. Below, our son poses between two trees.

Here, our son and his friend perch on a heavy branch. By their expressions, it seems like they are not too sure about how safe the whole deal is.

Our son is all smiles as he steps down from the "big rig." We are not sure if he enjoyed the experience or if he is glad that it is completed. The man with the rig is Mike. Thanks, Mike.

Here, the boys pose inside the "big rig." Did you figure out that I have no idea what type of machinery it is? Mike's son is on the right.

Here, the three boys pose in front of the rig's big tire.

Thanks to Mike and the "big rig" for providing the boys with a memorable experience.

Election Results and God's Sovereignty

2008-11-05T06:03:00.005-05:00

It is 6a Wednesday morning. The morning after the November elections. The world is buzzing about the polling results and what this means for the world, for our nation, and for each citizen, personally. People want to know - how will this affect me?

This morning, my first thoughts were: Thank you, Lord! Thank you for another day. While I sincerely long to see Jesus, to be in His glorious presence, I am not ready to leave my family. I know that they are and will be in good hands, but I - at least in my finite thinking - think that they need more re-assurance from me. They need me to show them and convince them that they will be able to make it without me.

A friend, in the past few days, called my attention back to a psalm I have read and reflected upon a number of times in the past, Psalm 73. Here, the psalmist compares what he sees as the prosperity of the wicked with the difficulties that he sees among those who are righteous. As a result, he begins to wallow in self pity. Until, of course, his focus turns back on to the sovereignty of God.

In verse 17, he realizes, Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I understood their end. He began to understand things from God's perspective.

In verses 23-26, he writes: Nevertheless I am continually with You. You hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with your counsel; and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside You. My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

The psalmist understands, after reflecting on God's sovereignty, that God is His desire and that God is His strength in every circumstance.

The psalmist ends with these words: But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the LORD GOD, that I may declare all Your works.

After reflecting on the sovereignty of God he finds the bottom line: he puts His trust in God and declares all His works.

In light of the election, I also read and reflected on Romans 13:1-8, a strong reminder of God's sovereignty in the political affairs of men.

Paul reminds believers, Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God.

Bottom line: Every elected leader in office has been appointed by God. God has allowed our government to be shaped in the way that it is. Whether we agree with His choices or not, we have the responsibility to pray for and to support our elected leaders. We do not have to agree with every decision they make, and should not do anything that violates God's commands, but we should seek to love, respect, and pray for our leaders. We should not subject them to our ridicule. When we get the urge to complain, we should turn that into an opportunity to pray for them. For the most part, if we are peaceful, law-abiding citizens, we need not fear. We need to know, that unless we are violating God's commands, disobedience to government authorities is rebellion against God. God has appointed leaders who will help restrain evil and preserve peace.
As a tangible demonstration of our support for our leaders, we should not neglect to pay our taxes. In all ways, we should demonstrate our respect for all elected officials.

This morning, followers of Jesus Christ, more than anyone, should set the tone for the next four years - a tone that rings out with confidence in God and His ability to use the elected officials He has appointed and that we have elected (both are true in God's economy) for the good of our nation and the glory of His name.

President Obama, my prayers are with you this morning. As long as the Lord allows, I will pray for you, your family, and your administration. I will pray that you will know that you have been appointed by God Himself - the One, True, Living God. That you are in His hands. I promise, to the best of my abilty, to support you in all things at are in accordance with the ways of God. That I will not seek to ridicule you, or to listen to people ridicule you in any way.

The children just boarded the bus for school. They waved to me from the crest of the septic mound, then disappeared down over the other side. Soon, I heard the wheels of the bus go round and round as they headed off for a day of instruction.

A few minutes later, I heard my wife yelling down the basement stairs: "Get on my wall right now, Cadet Bond!" Our son was reminded of Cadet Basic Training and the early morning wake-ups. It sent chills down his spine. The funny thing is, he says, she sounded a lot like CDT SGT O'Leary.

After breakfast and our daily routine of hygienic maintenance, I hope to spend some quality alone-time with my wife. Time which we both need and long to have. E-mails, blog entries, phone calls, and miscellaneous paperwork can wait - they will have to sit on the back burner.
Our time together is precious and must be protected. And I have been neglectful in protecting this time. Today, by God's grace, that will change. For the most part, I will limit my laptop time to early am and evening. Some e-mails may not get answered, but I would rather that than my wife and children not have the attention they need and deserve from me.

It is 8:04 a. My son is awake and is wrestling with my wife in the bed next to me. They are ready to begin the morning routine of torture/personal hygienic maintenance. Actually, they make a good team - they are very patient and gentle with me. And I am very thankful for that.

Until later. May God be with you.

Tomorrow Brings Such Uncertainty

2008-11-04T21:37:00.006-05:00

It is 9:40 p. The early election results are starting to be posted on the nightly news. Wins in PA and OH are predicted for Obama. Wins in other states are predicted for McCain. But I will wait until morning to see the final results. Ultimately, I will still cling to the the truth of Romans 13 and the sovereignty of God.

We had a wonderful dinner this evening. Keri prepared a stir fry of chicken and vegetables over rice. Of course, the meal was followed with a bowl of MCCIC!

Our two families enjoyed a devotional time together. I opened in prayer. Rod read and shared some reflections on Job 1, followed by some reflections on the armor of God from Ephesians 6. His daughter played two selections on the violin , including "As the Deer." Our son played "Wonderful Cross" on the guitar, and closed in prayer.

It is wonderful having our whole family together here. Tonight, I hugged them each tightly and told them how much I love them. I cannot be certain which night will be my last. I long to see Jesus face to face to face, but cannot imagine what it will be like to be away from them.

Tomorrow brings such uncertainty.

2008-11-04T14:36:00.004-05:00

This morning, my younger son and I spent some time drawing pictures, rehearsing school work, singing hymns, and reviewing Bible verses.

My older son and my wife took care of washing me and changing my clothing. Following that, my son went to work out at a local gym and run some errands for Mrs. McL, his mom, and for himself. He also spent some time splitting wood for Mr. McL.

Our dear friend Betsy Black visited us for lunch. My wife made us sandwiches. Betsy brought large, home-made chocolate chip cookies. We had a nice visit, catching up on our families and catching up on what is going on at Canaan.

Here is a photo of Betsy with me . . .

A few minutes after Betsy departed, Pastor Matt arrived for a visit. We talked about our families, the ministry at Canaan, and the state of the union. Let's ignore the election results, for the most part, and cling to the truth of Romans 13:1-8! God is sovereign. Amen.

A Sun and Shield on An Autumn Day

2008-11-04T06:42:00.011-05:00

For the LORD God is a sun and shield, the LORD will give grace and glory; no good thing will he uphold from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84:11

The writer of this psalm longs to be in the presence of His LORD and to be with Him in worship. He fully trusts in the LORD for His provision and His protection. Similar to God's promises in Romans 8, God is for us! He promises to lavish upon us His grace and goodness - He will not withhold any good thing from us.

Sun and shield. God is the source of all good and our defense from all evil. He gives grace here on earth and glory in the hereafter. He witholds all that is not good - even health or wealth - if it is not good for us at that particular time. We must, therefore, trust in Him even when we do not understand His particular ways and His timing.

Whatever I need, that is what the Lord is, according to Ray Stedman. What a wonderful truth!

Stedman uses this acronym: Jesus Exactly Suits Us Sinners.

Warren Weirsbe writes that the Christian life begins with grace and ends with glory. In between, life can be rather difficult. In between, we have the promise of His provision and protection. We must walk uprightly by obeying God's Word and trusting in its promises.

It is 7:44 a. I woke up this morning, about 5:20, with a very dry mouth. And I had some difficulty breathing. It was a bit scary. I drank some water and took my pain medication. It helped some.

My wife opened my curtains a few minutes later to reveal the early morning colors of an Autumn day. The school-bound children all stepped in my room to say good-bye, then all waved from the septic mound as they made their way to the bus. "The mound is alive, with the sound of music . . ."

God has gifted me with another day! Another day to know Him better, to glorify Him, to encourage others. To share life with my wife, children, friends, and family.

There are disability papers to complete, and a few other details to take care of - but mostly, this day is all about responding to the opportunities that God brings my way.

Breakfast has arrived. So it is time to break my fast and enjoy the meal that has been prepared for me. And my older son has joined me. Until later.

Walking in Love

2008-11-03T21:45:00.003-05:00

It is Monday, almost 10 p. The household has settled down. Each of our families spent time doing family devotions.

Our family time was focused on Ephesians 5:16-17. Paul begins the chapter (in verse 1) reminding the believers to imitate God by walking in love. In verses 16-17, he writes:

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the times are evil.

I reminded the family, that because our days are numbered, we need to be wise in how we use them. We need to demonstrate God's love to others. As our lives are being lived out in the spotlight these days, we want people to be drawn to God's love. We want them to know the love and grace that we have found in the Lord Jesus Christ.

More Pictures

2008-11-03T12:29:00.011-05:00

Our gracious hosts, Rod and Keri McLaughlin . . . still smiling after the first few days!

Keri poses with me. The teary eyes reflect my overwhelming gratitude for what God has given us, by His grace, through Keri and her family.

In every situation, you must have a sense of humor. My daughter let me borrow her knit scarf. Emily found a hat. So, I guess I would call this my French look. I am certain that the person on the other end of the phone line was impressed!

My older son arrived home from West Point Saturday evening, in uniform. The uniform was impressive, but his hug was more important!

My younger son and I enjoy reading together in bed. Oh, The Places You Will Go! by Dr. Seuss.

Here is the whole family, except for our younger son, with Ruth DiPalma and Winston, our stuffed pet dog.

My daughter is my sunshine, the light of my life. She is delightful in every way.

I am so blessed to have a great family and friends. It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words. To me, these photographs speak volumes.

Assorted Picture for Posting

2008-11-03T11:54:00.003-05:00

Rod McLaughlin poses with my younger son. I appreciate the love that my friends have for my children - treating my children as they were their own. One of the many blessings of being part of th Body of Christ.

Even in the "coldness" of a hospital room, my wife and I find joy in being together. In sickness and in health . . .

Joan Morris has continually encouraged us through her prayers, e-mails, and sharing daily devotionals. She has also provided me with much of the reading material that, in addition to God's Word itself, has helped shaped my thinking in these "last days."

There will be more pictures to come . . .

Massaging Feet and Sorting Socks

2008-11-03T10:48:00.004-05:00

It is mid-morning on Monday. I awoke this morning, in pain, but I awoke!

My beautiful wife - my beautiful, smiling, smoking-hot, Titus 2, Proverbs 31, woman-after-God's-own-heart wife woke up beside me, gave me some pain medication, and massaged my aching feet and legs. After caring for me, she climbed back in bed to do her devotions, and then went to the basement to do her morning exercises. This is the first morning in a while that she has been able to get back into some kind of personal care routine.

I took some time to pray with my daughter before she left for school this morning. She has an exam and several quizzes today. There is a lot on her mind even without the exams. I encouraged her to do her best, and reminded her that we and God both know the pressures she is facing.

After seeing all of the children off to school this morning - what a treat! - my wife and son took care of my hygienic needs and propped me up in bed. I am now sitting up the straightest I have been in a week - and it makes me feel so much better!

My wife prepared a great breakfast for me and for my son - eggs, grits, and toast.

After breakfast, I spent some time answering e-mails. When people do not know what to say, they offer the Word of God. What better words of encouragement! Among the passages I read this morning was John 8:34-36. So if the Son sets you free you will be free indeed. In Christ, we are set free from bondage to sin to be free to be slaves for Christ. Free to live for Him. Free to serve Him wholeheartedly.

My wife and I are now spending some time catching up on paperwork. Life or death. There is always paperwork!

My son is sorting socks for Mrs. McL. A discouraging task.

I am listening to a CD of Rebecca Rowe playing and singing some of my favorite hymns and songs. Beautiful piano music. Beautiful vocals. Beautiful words. As I mentioned before, she has created the soundtrack of my life. How Great Thou Art. Above All. All in All. Change My Heart, O God. In Christ Alone. The Eye is on The Sparrow. I'll Fly Away. Give Thanks. Victory in Jesus.

Keri and Braden just showed us three tics that they removed from Samson, their dog. But the Long Island "girl" -turned - country- girl has no qualms about burning those things to a crisp after all of the health problems they have caused in their family. It's tic-burning time in Berlin Township!

It is almost noon. Enough blogging for now. Until later.

A Wing (or Two) and a Prayer - And a Bottle of Antacid

2008-11-02T15:58:00.008-05:00

It is 4p. My friend Rachel left a little while ago. We had a nice visit - catching up after 25 years.

After she left, I finished eating a piece of pizza and some wings. Of course, that was chased with a handful of antacids.

My son and daughter left to drive over to our home to pick up a few items.

Did I mention the new van? Keri's aunt and uncle gave us a "new" (1998) Town and Country van. It will be very useful now that our son is home and will need to get around.

It is a relatively quiet evening. My wife is sitting here beside me, writing thank you notes to the many people who have given so much. I have been trying to retrieve some pictures from the digital camera, but have had little success.

My younger son just climbed up on the bed, with his mom's help, to snuggle with me. So, I am going to put down this piece of electronic-fortified plastic and spend some time with him . . .

It is now almost 8:30. My younger son is sleeping. My older son and daughter have returned with "stuff" from home. Rod has returned from evening church. My wife and son have tortured/cleaned me up. I have read several more encouraging e-mails. We enjoyed cheesecake from Junior's (in NYC) courtesy of Rachel. Thank you, Rachel, for the wonderful treat!

Now, I am stopping again to quiz my beautiful daughter to review for her science exam . . .

It is now about 10 p. I am exhausted. My wife is still working on thank-you notes. I am praying that I will have more energy tomorrow. There is still much that I would like to do.

Nights like this, I wonder if I will wake up the next morning. I am not being pessimistic, simply realistic. I know that my time - each minute, each hour, each day, is in His hands. I will open my eyes either in the presence of my Savior or to see the smiling face of my wife.

For Lack of a Better Name. The First Sunday in November.

2008-11-02T11:15:00.006-05:00

This morning, I woke up after after a good night's rest, to a beautiful, sun-filled morning. One by one, I was greeted my family members - each smiling and reminding me how blessed I am.

My wife and older son patiently and gently attended to my hygienic needs this morning. I appreciate that my son is able to help out in this way, even though it must be very difficult for him to see his dad in such a position. He is being a true servant.

The McL's went to worship together at Honesdale Gospel Tabernacle together this morning.

Our family chose to stay here together for a time of family worship.

After opening in prayer, we sang a few songs - my son played guitar (and I played where I was able), leading us in Wondrous Cross, Enough, and Your Love is Amazing. We read Psalm 121 and I reflected, for a few minutes, on its meaning and its application in our lives. We followed with a time of personal testimony - sharing how God is working in each one of our lives. We ended with my daughter praying for our family, the McL family, and our testimony in the midst of these circumstances.

Psalm 121 . . .

I will lift up my eyes to the hills - from whence comes my help?
My help comes from the LORD, Who made the heaven and earth.
He will not allow you foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber
Behold, He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not srike you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD shall preserve your soul. The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore.

This psalm, although it has direct application to Israel, gives all believers the assurance of God's help and protection from harm. It reminds us that God is our Helper, Keeper, Protector, and Preserver. The writer looks past the circumstances, past what God has created, to the Creator Himself, for His help. The writer knows and reminds us of the true source of our help in every circumstance of life - it is God Himself.

I enjoyed spending this time with my family. I hope that they will always remember these times and cherish the lessons that we have learned together.

My parents and my sister Ann both called today. It was nice to talk to them. I told my sister Ann that I loved her. And I do. In fact, I am making a point to be more open with my feelings toward others.

My wife has taken this opportunity now to take care of her herself, while my daughter spends some time alone, and the three of us "men" relax together, while doing our own thing.

My two sons have now decided to play a game together. Uno.

It is now almost 1 p. In a few moments, we are expecting a visit from one of my friends from high school. I have not seen Rachel in over 25 years.

As I look out my window, I can see that it is a beautiful Autumn day. The leaves are brown and yellow, ready to fall off the trees. Winter waits in the wings for its cue - although it made an early debut this past week!

I thank God for this day. For this day that He has made. For all that He is going to teach us this day. For all that He is and He does. For all that we are in Him.

Until later.

Woodland Retreat

2008-11-01T15:59:00.011-04:00

It is Saturday morning. The beginning of our first full day at our woodland retreat. It was nice to wake up and hear the sounds of our two families preparing for the day ahead.

Keri prepared a wonderful breakfast – scrambled eggs and strips of bacon, toast with jelly, coffee with French vanilla creamer, and the sweetest canteloupe I may have ever eaten (I do apologize to all the canteloupes that have come before. But this was, by far, the sweetest and tastiest melon that I have ever "eated.")

Rod and many of the children are at a gymnastics meet and soccer game. Keri has taken the two older girls to the Army-Air Force Football Game. After the game, they will be bringing our older son home with them.

Our good friend, Ruth DiPalma, arrived around ten this morning to sit with us, talk with us, and help Merrily with my care. It has been a great blessing to be able to spend time with her. She helped with moving me and bathing me. She also massaged my legs. Here she is, posing with me.

It is now 5:44 p. Rod and the children are home now. They are making some last-minute preparations in the basement for our older son. We are anticipating his arrival within a few hours.

Some words of wisdom for this day . . .

Seek godly counsel or advice from those who live godly lives and have a track record of experience and wise decision making. Avoid the counsel of those whose Christian life is questionable or who have experience of failure in making sound decisions. “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14). “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly...” (Psalm 1:1).

Operation Determination Completed

2008-10-31T21:56:00.008-04:00

It is Friday evening. 9:57. We are all settled in at the "sanctuary." Operation Determination has been completed.

This morning, Cousin Sue brought our emergency ballots, which we filled out and returned to her by noon. Our civic duty/responsibility/privilege has been completed.

Also, this morning, I had a bath. It felt good to have my hair and beard shampooed and to have my body washed. I was able to put a on a t-shirt, pantalones (aka, adult diaper) and even a pair of boxer shorts. With the addition of soft leather slippers, I was ready for the ambulance ride home.

My last hospital meal was quite good - baked chicken w/gravy and stuffing. For dessert, I chose something from the plastic pumpkin!

Soon after I finished lunch, Kyle and Steve from the Honesdale EMS were ready to carry out the mobilization phase of Operation Determination. After a few tearful goodbyes, I was off 3rd Floor, on to the elevator, and on my way to the ambulance. The ride to the the woodland retreat was relatively uneventful - Steve did a good job avoiding the potholes. When we arrived, our friend Keri was ready to capture the moment in pictures. Here, Keri is waiting on the porch for us to arrive. This is our woodland refuge . . .

Steve opens the back door of the ambulance and begins to move me out.

Now, out of the ambulance, I am greeted by Diane, one of the fine hospice nurses who cares for me and my family.

Kyle and Steve guide the stretcher up the narrow stone walkway leading to the front porch. Diane looks on to make sure that everything is running smoothly.

Once inside, they take me back the hall to the room that has been prepared for me. Unable to guide the stretcher into the room, they decide that they must lift me off the stretcher and carry me. Kyle and Steve eventually "drop" me into bed and get me positioned correctly. Oh, how comfortable it was/is!

I thank Keri for her sacrificial gift of hospitality. She and her family, with help from many other friends, have rearranged their lives and home to accomodate our stay with them. The room where we are staying, for example, has been filled with personal photographs and mementos from our bedroom at home. Keri poses with me. You can observe that I have been shedding tears of joy over the sacrificial gift that we have been given.

Our good friend Debbie has baked, has helped spruce up the room, and has run numerous errands to help Keri prepare the home for this day.

There are many others who have contributed in ways that we do not even know. For all of this, we thank God.

This evening has been somewhat of a blur, as medications have been adjusted for the ride home and I have adjusted to new surroundings. Our two families are quickly adjusting to living together in the same household.

Rod McLaughlin, the godly head of this household, has prepared his family well for what they may face in the days and weeks to come.

It has been a busy, productive, exciting day. Another gift from God above. I talked to our son from WP tonight. He is excited to come home, although he is sad to leave the place where God has him. I know that I will cherish our moments together, appreciate each conversation, enjoy each song we sing . . .

Tomorrow brings the promise of another new day. Until then.

It's Still Thursday. No, Wait. It's Friday!

2008-10-30T20:32:00.011-04:00

It's still Thursday. A little after 9 p. I just talked to the WP plebe. He will be coming home in a few days, as I mentioned, to help his mom care for me and to spend time with me. While I respect his decision and look forward to our time together, I am saddened by the fact that he has to make this decision. I need to remind myself that God is in control and that He already knows how this will work out for my son.

We have been concerened about if and how I could vote on Tuesday. My cousin Sue came by today with applications for emergency voting ballots! Post it, and things will happen!

In a previous post, I referred the the chicken salad here in the hopsital as being bland. It was not meant to be a complaint - I find that most such salads are bland. It's the nature of the salad, so to speak. When I prepare chicken salad, I add grapes, dried cranberries, walnuts, and similar things to "jazz" it up. But I would not expect that in an "institutional" salad. The bottom line, is that I did not mean to insult the hospital food.

In fact, the food here has been quite good. I have opted to eat two meals here daily, and to have my wife pick up the third meal from a local eatery. I was concerned that having hospital food would ruin my appetite, but it has not. When I was in another hospital for chemotherapy, the food was very good, but I think I associated the food with the effects of chemotherapy and I lost my appetite. Take-out became necessary for every meal.

The kitchen staff, in return for my "complaint," began sending me burnt toast and watered-down coffee. Just kidding. Now I went too far. Actually, on one occasion they sent me a special tray containing scones and capuccino (I think that I already mentioned this occasion) and, on another occasion, a special piece of peanut butter pie. I am grateful for the whole staff, for their professionalism, for their kindness, and for their desire to go above and beyond to serve the patients.

My family has a long history with the kitchen here. My grandmother, my mother and at least one of my aunts, and many other relatives have worked there. Many other relatives work here, or have worked here, as nurses, therapists, technicians, etc.

Not a day here goes by when I do not hear someone say something kind about my mom - about how kind she was to the patients and her colleagues, how hard she worked, how much she is missed. Thanks, Mom!

And I cannot say enough good things about the nursing staff. The care I have received has been absolutely wonderful. Despite how busy they are at any particular time, the nurses have taken time to calm my fears, to be patient and gentle in meeting my needs, to answer my questions. Each one has been professional and courteous.

The PT staff and the Social Services staff have been similarly professional, patient, and kind.

The hospice nurses, above all the rest, have been exactly what we needed them to be - advocates for my care. They are helping us to face these "last days" with a minimal amount of pain and discomfort. They are going out of their way to ensure that the needs of each member of my family are met. They have been eager to help us carry out Operation Determination.

Our family and friends have been a wonderful blessing. Praying with us and for us - for God's will, for a miraculous recovery (if that be His will); bringing us coffee, ice cream and candy (the plastic pumpkin full of candy from my cousin Diane was followed by a second plastic pumpkin from my cousin Betsy - this one filled with chocolate; Diane later brought another bag if candy to keep the first pumpkin replenished!); bringing us coffee; bringing "goodies" from Highlights for Children for our son; encouraging us; calling us; playing hymns on the harmonica for us; simply sitting with us and sharing memories; running errands for us. Calling us. And the list goes on. God has blessed us with wonderful friends and a great family.

Of course, all of this is in the hands of our loving Father. All good things are ultimately from Him. He knows and meets our every need - often before we know that the need exists.

***

It is now 4:30 a on Friday. I slept like a rock for about seven hours. But I did it again, I woke up with my laptop on my lap!

The night nurse brought me my medication at 5a to get me back on track for the day. We had a nice conversation about illness and attitude.

A little more about last night . . .

We had a steady stream of visitors from about 1p to 7p last night. From Joe, my high school Spanish teacher; to Betsy, our good friend from Canaan; to Pastor Matt, our caped, Holy-Spirit-led crusader/leader; to Dave, our artistic young friend from Highlights; to Ruth, a long-time family friend and mother of my best friend from high school (Sometime, Mark's story needs to be written for all to read.); to Beth (Mark's sister). And others - already mentioned above.

The Tuttles treated us to a take-out (eat-in the-hospital-room dinner from Pauli's. Last night I tried the chili cheeseburger and wings. It was good. My cravings these days are focused on sweets and spicy food.

Here, the Tuttles agreed to pose with me - before I made a mess with the chili cheeseburger!

I am looking forward to getting back on my regimen of having mint chocolate chip ice cream (MCCIC) twice a day!

My children arrived about 7. I snuggled with my son and did a Hidden Pictures puzzle with him.
My daughter gave me the school update and uploaded some pictures for me on the laptop. By 8, my wife had a bad tension headache and was exhausted, so they all left.

We have enjoyed all the company, but we are looking forward to a bit of seclusion so that we can spend more time togther. First, as a couple; second, as a family.

I answered a few phone calls and began writing a new blog post. Until I fell asleep sometime between 9 and 10.

I am thankful for this new day. Operation Determination is underway. The actual move is scheduled to occur within the next eight hours. I pray that I would use each moment of this day to honor and glorify my Father in Heaven. That I would take every opportunity to be an encouragement to others. That I would point others to the hope found in Jesus Christ. In Him alone.

Hands. Choices. Responses. Great Expectations.

2008-10-30T09:51:00.010-04:00

Hands. Referring to the last name of my in-laws. Referring to the appendages God attached to the end of our arms. Hands. Made for slapping. For striking. For clapping. For grasping. For enbracing. For feeling. For protecting. For writing. For working. For praying. For praising. For blessing. So many choices for how we will use our hands today.

Choices. So many choices about how we will live today.

Responses. God orchestrates the circumstances. We choose how to respond.

Let everything that has breath praise the LORD! Psalm 150:6.

Things are shaping up for our departure from here tomorrow. Operation Determination is underway. By tomorrow afternoon, Lord willing, I should be settled in a log cabin retreat in Beach Lake.

As I lay here in this hospital bed on Park Street in Honesdale, I am enjoying intermittent rays of sunlight. Reminders of God's love for me. Reminders of God's presence with me. Reminders of the abundant life that I have been given in Jesus Christ.

My wife just called from our home in Browdale. I may never step foot inside it again. I am thankful for God's provision. For soon, I - we - will all be stepping into the doorway to eternity with Jesus.

Only God knows what this day has in store. In the blink of an eye, we - all who have placed their trust in the Lord Jesus Christ and accepted His free gift of eternal life - could all be taken from here in the Rapture - together. Have you considered how cool that would be? Or God could choose to move my legs and allow me to walk again. Again, He orchestrates the days, we respond.

Great Expectations. It is a shame how we put such limits on God's ability to do great things. His power is limitless. His resources are limitlesss. Let's learn to expect big things from our Great God! Let's learn to have great expectations.

Goodnight, Wednesday!

2008-10-29T22:13:00.002-04:00

It is 10:15 p on Wednesday. Quiet here now after many visitors. I have uploaded some pictures to the blog and am preparing to soon close my eyes and go to sleep.

Tonight, I am determined to fall asleep without having my laptop on my lap.

My pain is signifificantly greater today. I am trying to alternate between taking injections and taking the medication orally. I cannot seem to get my body in a comfortable position.

It is less than a week before Election Day and I am not sure how I will get to vote next Tuesday. Is there a provision for an individual in the hospital with a fractured femur?

It has been a very busy day. But now it is time to say Good Night.

Small Group Visit

2008-10-29T21:41:00.009-04:00

At our invitation, our small group (discipleship group) gathered in our hospital room on Tuesday evening. We had a great time eating candy from the plastic pumpkin, talking, laughing, singing hymns and praise songs, and praying.

Here, Bill describes to Brian the finer points of opening a piece of candy.

Janice responds to Bill, as Betsy searches for a candy gummy worm.

Rose just smiles!

Frank enjoys a Sugar Daddy while Terri look on.

Carol also enjoys a Sugar Daddy, knowing that her children will not be asking her about what she is eating!

Below is the small group gathered around my hospital bed. Pastor Matt stayed home to watch his children so that Carol could partcipate. My wife is taking the picture.

Our small group exists to encourage one another to live for the glory of God. We pray for one another and challenge one another to follow and serve the Lord Jesus Christ.

Pictures from Operation Determination

2008-10-29T21:24:00.003-04:00

Operation Determination, as I call it, is our relocation to the McLaughlin home. Below are a few pictures related to the move.

Here, two of the young McLaughlin ladies are shown in the van on their way from our home to theirs, transporting some of the things that our family will need.

Here is the "famous" bowl that must not be stepped (on). Just a bowl of salad.

Mr. McLaughlin has gone out of his way to prepare his home for our arrival. He prepared a place for our daughter to sleep in a loft area located in his daughter's room. Here, three of the girls try out the new "sleeping" space.

Mrs. Mclaughlin, the tireless co-leader of the operation, rests at the wheel of the van.

Operation Determination will be a blessing! It will be almost like a vacation on the woods. We are thankful for the sacrificial hospitality of the McLaughlin Family.

Some Pictures from the Hospital Room

2008-10-29T21:00:00.006-04:00

We are trying to remember to take some pictures while we are here in the hospital. Unfortunately, we do not always remember when guests are here, so all of our visitors have not been captured. But here is what we have . . .

My wife tries to get close to me on the hospital bed. My younger son's arm is in the background.

There he is! My younger son is now in full view of the camera.

The Ashleys dropped in for a visit, bearing a gift - Mountain Dew. I think that this is the first Dew I have had since being diagnosed with cancer. Later, we enjoyed chili dogs, taco wraps, and vinegar fries from a local eatery.

Rod McLaughlin and his daughter pose next to the hospital bed with me before taking our children back to their home.

Again, we have had many other visitors, but often forget to take pictures. We are thankful for the love that has been demonstrated to us through our many friends and family members.

A Humorous Mechanism

2008-10-29T12:30:00.006-04:00

Somehow I did it again! I remember putting the laptown down last night before going to sleep, but it was on my lap when I woke up this morning!

I must have made a comment in the blog about the food here at WMH. I think maybe I referred to the chicken salad as being bland. I did not mean to insult anyone - in my experience, chicken salad is usually bland. The food here is good - especially when compared with some of the other hospitals in which I stayed. Praise God, I have not lost my appetite. Anyway, as a result of all of this, a tray was delivered to our room this morning featuring raspberry and blueberry scones, pumpkin spice cappuccino, and French Vanilla cappuccino. A very nice treat! Not bland at all.

To be honest, the food here is quite good, as is the quality of nursing care. I have been more than pleased with the professionalism and the lovingkindness demonstrated by each member of the staff.

I have to relate something humorous that is happening to me. Every time I start to sob/cry uncontrollably, God has given me a built-in brake mechanism. I get to a certain point of crying, and then I break into a yawn. And then I start laughing! Very strange.

I had trouble waking up. Very drousy. Most of this morning has been a blur. I was bathed. I've been medicated. My wife and I answered some e-mails and have spent some time talking about the logistics of going home.

We have had only one visitor today, and are enjoying the relative solitude. We continue to be awed by the fact that God meets our every need even before we can express it.

It is now 1:10 p. My wife ran to do some errands and pick up lunch - cheesesteak subs from the Honesdeli. Another treat to which I am looking forward!

I look forward to spending more time with my wife this afternoon. But I also miss my children.

Life is good. The Creator and Sustainer of Life is Greater. And greatly to be praised!

A Lot of Candy. A Little Sleep.

2008-10-28T23:22:00.003-04:00

From mid-morning until lunch time, I talked to a representative from Social Services. He asked me about our family and our support system. He wanted to know about each member of the family and how each is coping with these circumstances. I enjoyed describing to him each member of the family and how God is working in each heart and each life.

Lunch was bland. Chicken salad and pasta salad.

The afternoon brought many visitors, one bearing cookies, another bearing three harmonicas! I was blessed to hear Take My Life and Let it Be and When We All Get to Heaven played on this simple, yet beautiful instrument.

This afternoon I also had a sponge bath and shampoo. I actually had to have my hair shampooed!

The afternoon mail included a long letter from a good friend. It was one of those letters that I had to read in parts, because it made me cry so much. It was a beautiful letter.

My younger son and daughter arrived with my wife at about 3 p. We enjoyed taking some pictures; at our son's request, we each prayed; we read stories from Highlights for Children; and our son practiced counting to 100, by ones and by tens.

Around 4 p, our friends, The Ashleys, arrived - with Mountain Dew to share! Rod McLaughlin and his daughter Emily also arrived to pick up our children. My Aunt Betty and cousin Sue came by. A little later, my cousin Diane and her husband Lynn dropped in, bearing a Jack-o-Lantern full of "penny" candy from Weniger's Variety Store - the kind of candy we used to buy as kids. What a treat! My cousin Betsy stopped by after work - she works as a nurse in the recovery room; she spotted the container of candy and said that she had prepared something very similar, but forgot to bring it! She reminded me of the time that our parents dressed us (me, Betsy, and cousin Charlie) as Snap, Crackle and Pop of Rice Krispy fame.

By six, most of the visitors started to leave and my wife (and Mrs. Ashley) walked over to Pauli's Hot Dogs to pick up dinner. They brought back BLT wraps, chili dogs, and Boardwalk-style fries.
We finished eating just in time for our small group to arrive at 7. We were all present, except for Pastor Matt. We enjoyed eating candy out of the plastic pumpkin, laughing, talking, singing hymns and spiritual songs, and praying together. It was a sweet, sweet time of prayer!

By ten, we wound down. My wife and I read the e-mails and blog comments that came in throughout the day. My wife read some cards and napped while I finished this post. And now, it is time to put the laptop down so that I do not wake up with it on my lap in the morning.

I have been awake now for 20 hours and I need to sleep.

Please Do Not Step on the Salad

2008-10-28T07:47:00.010-04:00

"Please do not step on the salad." That is the title that was suggested for this morning's entry. Last night, my daughter showed me a photograph of her friend holding an uncovered salad bowl, in the back of a van, on the way here to the hospital.

As I mentioned, "Operation Determination" - maybe I'll come up with a better name - is being relocated from here to the McLaughlin home by the end of the week, Lord willing. Last night, "they" (not the Vincent Van Patten family, but my daughter and the McLaughlin family) initiated the process by moving some things - starting with clothing and necessities, open food (hence the uncovered salad bowl), and so on.

I woke up at 4 this morning, laptop on lap again - I must have fallen asleep between 10 and 11 last night. I promised my wife I would not do it again, but I did. Anyway, I woke up, the nurse gave me an injection of my pain medication, and I decided to respond to some e-mails.

It is snowing. It's October 28! Schools have been cancelled. I have heard that there is already up to 6 inches of snow on the ground in higher elevations. I am not sure when my family will make it in to see me.

An "old" friend who is on staff here called me early this morning and offered to bring me a cup of coffee. So, I am enjoying a nice, hot cup of caffeinated coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. What a treat!
My sister just called. She is back in Columbia, SC after a weekend with her daughter in Philadelphia. I enjoy hearing from her once or twice a day. She likes to check up on me and the family.

The nurses were in for their morning rounds. I have been medicated and assessed. I have been cleaned up. I have had breakfast. It is now about 8:45 a.

I found this in a comment that a friend posted on the blog: It is from Psalm 119:75-76 . . .

I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me. Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant.

The author of this psalm prays for comfort in the midst of his affliction. Based on what he wrote in verse 73, he understood that his affliction was the direct result of his sinfulness and that he deserved his affliction.

While I cannot say that my present affliction is the direct result of my sinfulness, I know that I am, by nature, a sinful person, that there is sin in this world, and that disease and affliction are part of the sin curse on this world. Some might say that I do not deserve to be afflicted in this way, but I do not look at it that way. I deserve death. I deserve eternal separation from God. God does not owe me anything. I chose to reject Him. I chose to ignore His call for so long. I chose to refuse His offer of the free gift of salvation through Jesus Christ for 31 years. I chose to do things my own way instead of His. I chose to think that my way was superior to that of the Creator of the Universe.

Yet He chose to love me. He chose to save me from my own sinfulness. Paul wrote in Romans 5:8 . . . but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Although I rejected Him, He accepted me in Jesus Christ. O, the depth of His mercy, His love, and His grace. It is beyond description.

And, I pray for comfort in the midst of this affliction. And God comforts me. And He comforts my family. We enjoy the peace that passes all understanding. We find rest, in Him, in the midst of this storm.

It is about 9:30 a. It is quiet here in my room. My wife just called. She is not able to get to the hospital for a while due to the snow. I assured her that I am OK and that she should take this opportunity to rest and to spend time with our children.

The day is really just beginning. New opportunities are waiting. I am praying that I will be sensitive to God's leading each moment and that my attitudes, words, and actions will effectively adorn the gospel of Jesus Christ - so that He may be exalted and that others may find hope in Him.

Until later . . .

Monday Evening Update

2008-10-27T21:16:00.004-04:00

It has been about fourteen hours since I posted this morning. What a long day it has been! Lord willing, I can recall some of what occurred today. Instead of adding to the previous post, as I thought I would, I decided write a new entry. I may get confused regarding some of the details or the order in which things occcurred.

I spent some time this morning answering e-mails, reading other blogs, and writing some letters.
Breakfast arrived after 9 due to a miscommunication about surgery.

By the time I finished breakfast, well after 10, our pastor arrived for a visit. I enjoyed hearing about his weekend retreat with his wife and another couple.

Soon after we began talking, the hospice nurse arrived. We discussed the plans to get my pain under control, stabilize my femur, and prepare for me to go home. Sometime in the midst of this discussion, my wife arrived. We continued our discussion by asking about the logistics of moving our family to the McLaughlin home once I am discharged from the hospital.

The McLaughlins have graciously offered for us to move into their home for as long as I need care. They have a first floor bedroom that would offer me much more privacy than our living/family room. Being there would mean a built-in support system for my wife and children.
My wife would have less responsibilities as far as cooking and cleaning. She would be freed to spend more time caring for my needs.

At the same time, my son has prayerfully decided to come home from West Point this weekend to stay and help his mom care for me - and to spend time with me. The officers in his chain of command have been very supportive in helping him to make this decision. The worst case scenario is that he will have to repeat the academic year. If all goes well, though, he will be able to keep up with his class and graduate with his class. While we know that he is where he needs to be, we respect his decision to come home. He is filled the same Spirit as we are. We know that he has prayed about his decision. And we never want him to regret not helping his mom or spending enough time with his dad.

My lunch arrived at about the same time the nurse brought my medication. Although it was not what I ordered, I enjoyed Salisbury steak and risotto with cranberries and pineapples. It was
actuallly quite tasty!

During all the busy-ness of people coming in and out, my wife talked with our pastor until he left.
We did manage to pray together before he did go. I felt bad that I did not get to visit with him more.

The afternoon was busier yet. It was then that the nurse inserted my catheter, and I got cleaned up for the day. There were a number of visitors, all of whom encouraged us and prayed with us.

My wife went out (for a walk) and brought back dinner. After a break in the company, we enjoyed roast beef, mashed potatoes, and carrots.

Later, our younger son arrived, along with more visitors. By 8, our visitors left and I was able to read a new book and several older books to him.

My wife and daughter left about 9, both very tired from a busy day.

It is now about 10:45. I am tired. Falling asleep at the keyboard. I need to go.

I Do Not Like Mondays? A Week Later

2008-10-27T05:55:00.009-04:00

It is Monday morning again. If I start out another Monday morning like this one, I may learn to hate Mondays. Well, that's taking things way to seriously . . . let me explain.

A few minutes ago. the lights came on, two nurses came into my room, greeted me, and proceeded to change mis pantalones, my pants, my dry pants, my adult diaper - I forget what manly name I am supposed to call it! Briefs. The procedure involves me turning my body, from side to side - to expose my back side - so that the the old pants can be removed, my body can be cleaned, and the new pants can be put on. It is a painful process for someone with extreme bone pain in the hips and thighs (due to bone cancer) and a fractured femur. Not having adequate pain medication prior to the "procedure" this morning, the pain was incredibly intense. I cried like a baby. A big, 45-year-old baby. It hurt. But I mostly felt bad for the two nurses who patiently and gently attended to the task. They remained calm and had a calming influence on me. [I feel so bad that others have to do this kind of thing for me. Funny, I am beyond the embarassment, humility, or shame that I should have with all this - I've just accepted that this is the way it is - but I feel bad for those who must attend to me.] Within minutes, it was over. Sometime in those few minutes, pain medication was given, and I am now resting peacefully - with laptop on lap, listening to the Honesdale traffic oustside my window, and typing this post.

Things are OK . Mondays are not to be hated. Mondays are to be embraced like any other day - as precious gifts of time from the Lord God Creator who gives us each day, along with the resources we need, to live for and glorify Him this day. So let us begin this day with praise to Him, with thanksgiving in our hearts, with a determination to glorify Him, with a sensitity to others that will allow us to minister to their needs and help point them to Him.

It is 6:45. Already this morning, God has given me a gift in the way of a conversation with one of the nurses attending to me. One who so kindly attended to my needs this morning. She shared with me how she will be leaving her work here to attend to her mother full-time. How she is looking forward to doing so. How diffficult it may be, at times, but how much joy it will bring. She told me about her dad, who struggled in his life, yet was changed by the Spirit of God and began a Bible-teaching church in the area. A passing conversation. An unexpected blessing.

Praise the LORD! Praise the LORD! Praise the LORD, O my soul.
While I live I will praise the LORD;
I will sing praises to God while I have my being.
Psalm 146:1-2.

It is 7 am. Today, I am going to try something new. I am going to post this entry as it is right now. Even without having my wife check it for "unnecessary weirdness." And, Lord willing, I will add to this same post during the day - to update and amend on the progress of this day in the journey of a man, a family, facing a difficult life circumstance.

+++

Snap. Or No More Onion Breath

2008-10-26T18:56:00.005-04:00

No more onion breath. The title was decided upon yesterday.

Snap. At 12:30 this morning (Sunday) I made a simple move and my femur snapped. The pain was intense and I did not know what to do. My wife called the hospice nurse on call, and we decided that the best thing to do was to go to the hospital to have it checked.

As we waited for the ambulance to arrive, my wife busily made preparations and I spent the time uploading photos to this blog.

By 2:00, the ambulance crew arrived. Sean and Bruce did a great job moving me out of bed, down the stairs (although that was probably the scariest ride of my life!), outside, and into the ambulance. By 2:45 or so, I was in the ER at Wayne Memorial Hospital.

X-rays revealed that I do indeed have a fractured femur. Snap. Although surgery is an option, I am not considering it (in light of our bigger picture here).

It was decided at this time that it would be a good idea to change my pain medication. I was given an injection of Dilaudin (sp?). So far, it has been quite effective. Although it has caused me to be very drowsy.

By 6 am I was admitted to a private room and fell asleep.

My wife left for home at 9:30. Before leaving, we discussed logistics for the day. She would go home, take a shower, and make some necessary preparations. She would send my two older children over to visit with me while I waited for her to arrive with my younger son. The two younger children would later go home with the McLaughlin family. The Chupick family would meet us at the hospital at 3:00 to take our older son back to WP.

My two older children arrived between 11 and 11:30. We enjoyed spending time together. It’s not that we did much or said much – other than me telling them how wonderful they are, how blessed they are to have each other and such wonderful friends, etc. We simply enjoyed being in the presence of one another.

My wife and younger son arrived about 2 pm. For an hour, we visited and prepared for our older son’s departure to WP. He was hesitant about going back, but we urged him to do so. He wants to make sure that he is there for me and for his mom. Understandably so.

It was a busy hour. At three, everything seemed to explode as the Chupicks arrived to pick him up, as our friend Keri came to get our two younger children, and another friend dropped off a quart of mint chocolate chip ice cream! So many people serving us in a variety of ways!

It is now a little after 5 in the evening and all is very quiet here. My wife is resting in the chair beside me. She has had a very busy day and has had very little sleep.

I would like to work toward getting home in the next few days. As long as my wife will be able to care for me there. Toward that end, we will need to get this pain under control and make sure that my femur is stabilized. Also, I will have to consent to having a catheter. As much as I wanted to avoid it – and as scared as I am (I am such a wimp when it comes to needles and tubes) – it will help my wife care for me more easily.

Going home means familiar surroundings. Privacy.

I thought that, being here, I might be cut off from my present ministry - such as it is - through e-mail and this blog. Praise God, He has provided for this. I was able to find and connect to a wireless network here at the hospital. As the Lord allows, I will take the opportunity to use it.

My daughter had agreed to take what I can write from this hospital room and post it on the blog – although it would have been delayed in getting out there. She also agreed to print out my e-mails each day and bring them to me. So I could read them, but not necessarily respond. But, for the moment, that is not necessary! For this, I am grateful.

Snap. It changed some things. For us, but not for God. His plans have not been changed. He is sovereign over all. We will seek to glorify Him even in this. We will continue to seek to see Jesus. To help others to see Jesus.

Each day is a day closer to seeing Jesus.

In glory.

Where there will be no more onion breath.

Guitar Jam with My Son

2008-10-26T01:33:00.003-04:00

This evening, I moved upstairs to our bedroom. My son and I decided to get out the guitars and sing through a notebook of our favorite hymns and songs. It was such a blessing to spend the time playing and singing praises to our Lord.

An Evening with the McLaughlins

2008-10-26T01:17:00.002-04:00

This evening, we were able to spend some time with good friends, friends - as I mentioned earlier - that have cared for our children in their home during our many hospital stays over the past ten months. It was an evening filled with many laughs and tears. And a very sweet time of prayer.

Below, our son and their youngest son emerge from upstairs as the fearless duo of Batman and Goggleman.
The ladies enjoy a great laugh together.

The reason for their laughter. There is no satisfactory explanation of what is happening here. Some kind of female bonding ritual, perhaps.

Our good friends relax after dinner.

Saturday - In the Park?

2008-10-25T10:00:00.006-04:00

Saturday. I'm not in the park, but it certainly feels like the 4th of July! Anyone recall these lyrics from Chicago? The Seventies?

I am excited to be alive today! I feel incredibly free!

Waiting for our son to arrive home this morning, my wife and had a very sweet time of prayer together.

We read and discussed a passage of Scripture - 1 Timothy 5:3-16 - Paul's writing on the treatment of widows. We discussed the responsibilities of the widow, the responsibilities of the family, and the responsibility of the church.

I am confident that my wife understands her role and responsibilities as a widow. I am also very excited about how God will be able to use her as an example and encouragement to others who are facing difficulties.

I have discussed with our older son his responsibilities and am confident that he will follow through, as will our daughter. Although they are young now, they understand that as they mature, their responsibilities to care for their mom and each other - and their younger brother - will increase. As for our younger son, I simply need to impress upon him the need to obey God - particularly by obeying his mom.

I know that our family - both natural and church - will continue to provide for my wife and children. There is great comfort in knowing this.

Ultimately, I am trusting that God will use all of these means to ensure that our family has the provision and security it needs, and that my family will continue to be equipped to live in a way that pleases our Father in Heaven.

Our son arrived home a little after ten.

Our good friends, the Tuttles, served us by getting up early this morning, driving two hours to Highland Falls, picking up our son, and driving him home. We spent rest of the morning visiting with them, reminiscing about all the great times we have had together in the past eleven years, and rejoicing together in God's goodness. Jamie helped my wife make some last-minute adjustments in our upstairs office to accomodate my move upstairs.

We have been catching up on life here and at WP. Some light-hearted discussions. Some deep discussions. All good. It is so nice having him home. One of our discussions was about him being at home with me and the family. We are together asking God for wisdom in this - we do not want him to miss anything at WP, but - at the same time - we do not him to have any regrets later about how much time he spent home with his family during this time.

As I have been mentioning, I have had many great e-mails in the past week. I have been blessed by reading each one of them, and blessed again by re-reading them with my wife. An e-mail arrived today from a former student from Canaan Christian Academy. This student gave me permission to share this on the blog; it is an example of the thoughtful encouragement that we have received from others:

One definition of bond: "to make or become firmly united" The other day while I was thinking and praying for you and your family I decided to look "bond" up in the dictionary and this definition truly describes your amazing family. You all are a HUGE blessing in my life. And I thank God for allowing me the privilege to know you. You have definitely let God do amazing things in your life. I see Jesus in and through you, through your blog and for the time I have spent time with you as my friends' dad, as my teacher, as my pastor, and as my mentor. You are truly a gift from God.

God has blessed us beyond measure. He has given us much more than we deserve. More than we could have ever imagined.

There is no doubt. He has given me a wonderful life. Filled with a wonderful family and friends. And to think, that is can only get better by seeing Jesus face to face. Way better than the 4th of July!

[My name is ,"Life is but a dream," and I approve this message.]

It's Friday. I'm Learning to Let Go.

2008-10-24T11:32:00.008-04:00

It's Friday.

This morning, my wife woke me up, gave me my first morning morphine cocktail and a mug of hot coffee. I sat up, opened my Bible, and looked at several passages, mostly from the Psalms, regarding death and the brevity of life.

Before sharing some of what I gleaned, I would like to let you know that I am not certain, from day to day, how long I will be able to continue posting on this blog. I am told that my cognitive abilities will wane and that I may start getting strange thoughts in my head. For this reason, I have asked my wife to read all my entries before I post them.

At some point, I will have to let go of this blog. As I have had to let go of other things - like teaching and serving as an assistant pastor alongside one of the finest men I have ever known. But letting go of things is part of this whole process of dying. It is part of a mixed blessing. I have this time to enjoy with family and friends, to reminisce, to say goodbye, to help my wife make plans, etc. But, at the same time, I have to endure the pain of letting things go.

But as I learn to let things go, I think about what I will gain - as I let go of this world and step into the presence of my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have difficulty imagining what it will be like.

Last night, my daughter and I talked about the blog. She is thinking about keeping up with it as long as I am alive. She is praying about it. And if that is what she would like to do, I will support her is doing it. caption.

From there, as I have mentioned, the words I have written are in the hands of God and a bright young lady who is willing to follow God's leading in telling this story to others. My prayer is that God is glorified and that others find there is hope in Jesus Christ.

In Psalm 39, David reflects on the brevity of life, asking God to give him a proper perspective: to know my end and what is the measure of my days (verse 4). He compares the span of his life to handbreadths (very small measures), nothing before You (in comparison to God), and a vapor (vanity, meaningless). A proper perspective on the brevity of life leads way to his reflection on hope (in God), the providence of God over his life and circumstances, and a call for relief from his present pain and suffering.

As I read this psalm, I had a sense of gratitude because God has given and is still giving me a better pespective on the brevity of life and how important it is to use the time we are given to fulfill the purpose(s) that He has laid our for us. Like David, I have hope. My hope is found in Jesus Christ. My hope is tied to heaven, where He prepares a place for me. Like David, I know that God has planned out my life and circumstances for His glory. And I know that in these final days, I can run to Him for relief from my pain and sufferings. And even though the pain and suffering may not wane, He is present with me, helping me to endure. Helping me to understand that it is momentary. Reminding me, as He has so many times before, that my pain pales in comparison to that suffered by Jesus Christ on my behalf. Because He took on the pain meant for me at Calvary, one day soon all my pain will be gone.

In Psalm 90:12, Moses wrote: So teach us to number our days, that we might gain a heart of wisdom. This verse reminds us again of the importance of using our time wisely. Having a heart of wisdom, according to John MacArthur, involves taking our focus off of ourselves and putting it in God's sovereignty. Knowing that God is in control of our lives brings great comfort. And great freedom. We are free to live for Him.

From my personal experience in the past few weeks, I have been given a better understanding of this verse. Being conscious of the need - having the desire - to focus on God and on others - has been incredibly freeing for me. And, I would imagine, good preparation for being in the presence of Jesus Christ, where all eyes, all thoughts will be focused on Him.

In Psalm 90:17, he wrote: And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands for us, yes, establish the work of our hands.

I am not sure that I really ever reflected on this verse of Scripture before. But it certainly caught my eye this morning. When Moses speaks of beauty here, he speaks of God's delight, His approval and His favor. He asks that these things be upon us as we go about doing the work that He has established for us. He asks that our lives have value, significance, and meaning - by God's grace and mercy.

I am thankful that, by God's grace, my life has had meaning - not because of anything I have done, but because God created me and redeemed me and used me.

In Ecclesiastes 9:10, I read: Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going.

Enough said. Get busy.

In Psalm 116:15, I read: Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.

I have no fear in dying. The God that created me, redeemed me, sustained me, and provided for me throughout this life in earth will be with me in death. He will see me safely into the presence of Jesus Christ.

Psalm 23 is a familiar Psalm. So familiar, that it is sometimes easy to skip over. This morning, I read verse 4 carefully: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Again, I am reminded that I have nothing to fear. God's protection is upon me. He will give me direction. He will provide of my every need - and He will provide for every need of my family when I am gone.

As I face these final days, my thoughts are focused on . . .

telling family and friends how much I love them and how much they mean to me.

not overlooking the importance of just being together.

how God has already provided for my absence.

encouraging others to live for Christ in light of the brevity of life.

helping others to see Jesus.

I cannot persuade anyone of the truth of Jesus Christ. That is a work of the Holy Spirit. I can simply share what the Bible says about Him and what I know to be true about Him and His work in my life. Beyond that, all I can do is live my life in a way that allows others to see Jesus in me.

Thursday Is "The Candy Day"

2008-10-23T11:44:00.005-04:00

It's Thursday. [I am not getting any more creative with my opening sentences.]

As my wife prepares lunch, I am taking this opportunity to begin writing this post for the day.

Skimming through the Psalms, I focused for a few minutes on the privileges we have as God's children.

God is . . .

our Glory (Psalm 3:3).
our King (Psalm 5:2).
our Deliverer (Psalm 18:2).
our Redeemer (Psalm 19:14).
our Light and our Salvation (Psalm 27:1).
our Helper (Psalm 33:20).
our Strength (Psalm 46:1).
our Guide (Psalm 48:14)
our Portion (Psalm 73:26).
our Shield (Psalm 84:11).
our Habitation (Psalm 90:1)
0ur Keeper (Psalm 121:4-5).

Our younger son has dubbed this day The Candy Day (details to follow).

After a good night's rest, my wife and I arose early - it was probably 4:30 when she got up, and a half-hour later when she woke me up - to see Stephen, Sheri, Sydney, and Samantha off to Atlanta.

My wife climbed back into bed - we have been sleeping downstairs on the pull-out sofa for a month now - and we began reading e-mails that have arrived in the past week. E-mails that I have read, but ones that my wife has not been able to enjoy because of the busy-ness.

At some point, our younger son came downstairs and snuggled beside us in the bed.

At 6:15, my wife woke up our daughter and pre-school preparations got underway. A friend graciously offered to drive our daughter to school today, enabling my wife to remain in her pajamas and enjoy a quiet morning at home.

The four of us were able to enjoy an extended time of prayer together before our daughter left for school. It was a very sweet time.

My wife prepared breakfast for me - scrambled eggs, bacon, and grits. It was quite a treat.

After a few light chores, my wife was able to crawl up alongside me and enjoy reading more e-mails. There are still many left to read. And new ones keep coming.

My son and I enjoyed reading several books together and have plans for doing some more constructive activities this afternoon. I was also just informed that we would be playing Monopoly after lunch.

The highlight of our day, so far, has been dubbed by our son as The Candy Day.

Yesterday, in addition to bringing home a great variety of fudge for dessert, Stephen and Sheri went on a scavenger hunt of sorts - at CVS - to pick up a variety of "treats" that I listed on a piece of paper.

Some people may choose to spend their final days in exotic locations, taking risks, or both. I simply want to spend time with family and friends and enjoy some of my favorite foods. And candy.

This morning, the three of us sampled the goods collected by Stephen and Sheri. The Candy Day experience featured samples of white cheddar cheese popcorn, Jordan almonds, Necco wafers, malted milk balls, mini-Heath Bars, and assorted flavors of Jelly Belly jelly beans. There is also toffee popcorn, but that will wait for another time. We taught our son to enjoy each flavor, especially when it came time to sampling the jelly beans. Guessing the flavors is difficult without lablels!

I also took some time to tell our son about how we used to visit the candy counter at the local variety store. All the penny candy. And how we could fill up a small candy bag with 25 cents worth of candy treats.

The best thing about this day, by far, is that we are spending a quiet day at home, enjoying being together.

I have observed that when things are busy here, more tears are shed. Tears associated with the sense of loss, of being apart. But when we are alone (as a couple or as a family), there is a greater sense of peace, of joy. We can focus our attention on one another. We can more easily focus our attention on seeing Jesus - together.

God is meeting our need for this day. As He does each and every day.

A Few More Pictures of the de Haan Clan

2008-10-22T20:35:00.003-04:00

It's Wednesday evening. Things are quieting down here. The children have been bathed. Sheri and Stephen drove Peter and Phyllis back to the hotel after dinner. [Stephen grilled London Broil. My wife prepared twice-baked potatoes. Dessert was an assortment of fudge from Gertrude Hawk!] They are anticipating an early (5 am or so) departure for Atlanta tomorrow.

It has been a nice visit. I have especially enjoyed watching the three cousins playing together.

Below, Sheri poses with daughters Samantha and Sydney.

Nana and Sheri enjoy a moment together on the sofa.

Grandpa Peter and Stephen relax on the rocking chair.

Stephen and Sheri are back. We will enjoy some quiet conversation before bed. Good night!

Trusting God on Wednesday

2008-10-22T16:40:00.003-04:00

It is Wednesday. Each day, even a Wednesday, is a gift from God.

This morning passed quickly. Our children went to school. Stephen, Sheri, and the girls arose late and enjoyed a breakfast featuring cheesy scrambled eggs. Sheri was gracious to prepare breakfast for me as well.

From the time I got out of bed, about 6:15, until about 9, I read and responded to e-mails, some of which I left from last night. One was from a friend who was instrumental in my entering into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ during the Storm of the Century in March 1993. It was a blessing to catch up with Bill, reminisce about the past, and hear about how he and his family are doing.

Soon after breakfast, my wife arrived home from taking the children to school; Peter and Phyllis arrived from the hotel in Clarks Summit.

We spent most of the morning sitting and conversing.At some point, I received a phone call from our friend Gail in Georgia. Gail and Grassy were our family-away-from-home in Georgia. We have many good times to remember; many funny stories to tell. Gail and Grassy were one of the couples that patiently loved us through the years leading up to our salvation.

It is now 1:30. We just finished lunch. Part of the clan is headed to Honesdale to visit some of the local shops. My wife is headed over to Canaan to clear my personal items from the classroom I was using. My office is much as I left it; but it will have to be cleared out as well. The whole process does not really bother me. At least, I did not think that it would. But there is something about it that makes me uneasy. An admission that another part of my life is over. That I have little or no influence over what goes on in the classroom. And I guess that is tied up with contentment – being content with doing the best I can with what I have been given.

My wife purchased a book to study with a friend. Between yesterday and today, I read the book and dog-eared pages that I wanted to go back to and review. The book is Trusting God (Even When Life Hurts) by Jerry Bridges.

I am no longer purchasing books, but have a desire to read as much as I can, to glean as much as I can, about seeing Jesus more clearly. Of course, nothing replaces the reading of the Bible. But the perspectives of godly writers are often helpful.

I typed out some notes, things that caught my attention, and included them here. Unless noted otherwise, all italicized items are direct quotes or paraphrases of statements made by the author himself. Any comments that I added are included in regular font.

God has a purpose and a plan for each one of us, and He has the power to carry out that plan.

No part of God’s plan can be thwarted. God does as He pleases.

We must learn to obey God one choice at a time, one circumstance at a time. It is an act of the will, based on the belief that God is in control of every situation.

God is sovereign. We are responsible. Prayer is necessary; it assumes the sovereignty of God.

There is no conflict between God’s sovereignty and our responsibility.Prayer is the acknowledgment of God’s sovereignty and of our dependence upon Him to act on our behalf. Prudence is the acknowledgment of our responsibility to use all legitimate means.

We must depend upon God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. We must also depend on Him to enable us to do what we must do for ourselves.

Psalm 139:13-16. God created our innermost being and fashioned us in our mother’s womb so that we might be equipped to fulfill the plan that He set out even before we were born.

God made us thinking beings, and he guides our minds as we think things out in his presence. (J.I. Packer)

Trusting God is first a matter of the will. But first, we must know that God is sovereign . . .

If we are to trust God, we must believe His truth.

As I consider what Bridges wrote about trusting God, represented fairly well by the sampling of snippets included above, I must conclude that a genuine trust in God must begin with a proper understanding of who God is. We can know Him and His character best through His Word, but also through the daily experience of seeing Him work day by day in our lives and in the lives of the people close to us. Because I know Him, because I know His faithfulness, I know I can trust Him with anything that comes my way, even (especially) in these final uncertain days.

God’s plan for my life is unfolding. One day at a time, one moment at a time. In each moment, He expects me to know and follow His leading. He expects me to act responsibly, to think, according to the standards that He has set forth in His Word and impressed upon my heart. He expects me to bathe each circumstance in prayer, so that my spirit might be in close communication with His. Also, that I might be ever aware of my dependence upon Him. My dependence upon Him. It becomes clearer every day, every moment. It is a part of seeing Jesus more clearly. Seeing Jesus. Trusting Jesus.

Tuesday Trials

2008-10-21T06:58:00.016-04:00

It has always been my intention in this blog to deal honestly with the circumstances, attitudes, issues, feelings, tensions, frustrations, fears, emotions (the whole laundry list) associated with our battle with Ewing's Sarcoma.

Not to bare all for any impure motive like a need for attention or sympathy - but to share enough of what we face so that others will know that we are, by God's grace, grappling with the uncertainty and suffering associated with such a trial in a way that is honest and authentic. We are relying upon God alone for the wisdom and strength that we need to live through this monetary (momentary, that is) affliction in a way that pleases God.

Our desire, from the beginning, has been to please God. By God's grace, we continue to pray that what He has seen, what He is seeing, is pleasing in His sight. And we pray continually that others may see through our frailty to His great strength, wisdom, and power. That others may see His love and grace shine through our circumstances. That others may know the hope that we have in the Lord Jesus Christ. That others may experience the peace available to all who trust Jesus Christ to free them from their bondage to sin and free them to live wholeheartedly for Him.

As the days pass, our hope does not wane. Our hope intensifies. Each day is a day closer to seeing Jesus face to face. The peace in our hearts sustains us more than ever.

At the same time, the circumstances of each day become more difficult. As my pain increases and my body continues to shut down (I will not take time to share all the details - there is really no need to do so - but this is part of the challenge we are facing), our dependence upon God is put to the test. Do we still have hope? Do we still enjoy His peace?

In all of this, my dear wife's burden is increasing. I find it frustrating that the best I can seem to do is to pray for her and to encourage her through each circumstance. In all of the busy-ness, she wrestles with finding quality time to spend with Jesus, the only One who can truly help her through this. In these times, she needs her brothers and sisters in Christ to lift her up in prayer. Please pray for her to have strength. Please pray for her to have rest in Him, even in the midst of her busy-ness.

Don't get this wrong - my wife is strong in the Lord. She knows the source of her strength. Her love for me is unwavering. Because her love for God is unwavering. But she needs to be held up in prayer.

Today is one of those days that I feel like the two-month prognosis is accurate. I feel the pressure of time pressing against "the list" of things that should be accomplished before I go. Every day, I must face these feelings head-on and focus on the truth of God's Word. He still numbers my days. And I must be all about using these days according to the priorities that He has given me.

One of the frustrations that we face as a couple these days is that we have not been able to sit together for any reasonable length of time, to pray, to read the Bible together, to share the blessings that I have received through numerous e-mails from "people from the past." In 21 years, we have always found time to share such moments with each other; in the past three weeks, when we need each other most, we cannot find the time.

In addition to receiving numerous cards, e-mails, and phone calls extending prayers and encouragement, we have been blessed with many out-of town visitors - both family and friends. We have enjoyed spending time with each person who has come into our home.

The only drawback in all this is that there is only so much time. It is not possible to see everyone we would like to see. That we need to see.

There is one particular family that we need to see. That we have not seen or spent time with in quite a while. A family, like many others, that has given freely and sacrificially of themselves, to be a blessing to our family from the very beginning of my diagnosis.

On the day that the oncologist told us I had Ewing's Sarcoma, our children were staying with the McLaughlin Family. That night, we asked them to pray about being the family primarily responsible for the care of our childen while cancer treatments took us out of town - for up to five days at a time. Prayerfully, they agreed, and have taken in our children and treated them as their own on many occasions - sometimes at a monent's notice. We are grateful for their sacrifice and value their friendship. The gift that they gave us was not insignificant. We need to get together with them and spend some quality time in prayer.

I do want to slight any other families. Many other dear families and friends have helped us out in so many ways. Meals. Taking care of our children after school. Cleaning. Doing household projects. And the list goes on. We would love to have the time to spend with each person, each family, who made some kind of sacrifice on our behalf - we know there are many! But time just doesn't permit us to do so. I can only hope and pray that those of whom I speak know the depth of our gratitude and love for them. And that one day, Lord willing, we will all join togther in singing praises to our Savior in Heaven.

I was just looking through a pile of notes and found this:

Am I more consumed with God or with what God can do for me?

Interesting thought/challenge for today.

Most of "the clan" is leaving this morning for Easton, PA and the Crayola Crayon Factory. Lunches are being packed. Children are getting washed and dressed. There is excitement in the air. At least, among the children. The adults are getting ready for whatever the day may bring.
My wife should be returning shortly from taking our daughter to school. Due to various circumstances, they got a late start.

Such is the start of this Tuesday.

Photographs of the de Haan Clan

2008-10-20T22:37:00.005-04:00

The de Haan clan arrived on Sunday evening. Today was spent talking, playing games, and eating. As promised, here are some photographs from our first full day together. Below, Stephen enjoys a quiet moment on the sofa. But just a moment.

The cousins take a break from their busy play time to huddle together on the double rocker. Batman looks scared!

Phyllis and Peter, the fearless clan leaders, enjoy conversation in the living room.

Sheri shares a mysterious smile in the midst of an exciting game of Scattergories. Is she already feeling uneasy about her "creative" answer?

Uncle Stephen and Grandpa Peter take a break from the game to ponder something. What, we are not sure. Perhaps it is Sheri's last answer.

Steve shares a quiet moment with daughter Sydney. Steve still looks concerned about Sheri's answer. Sydney is simply content to be with her dad.

Tomorrow is a new day, and there is a promise of more photographs.

Monday Again

2008-10-20T09:14:00.016-04:00

It's another Monday morning. I remember growing up and listening to a song on the morning radio, called I Don't Like Mondays - by the Boomtown Rats, I think. It was not an uplifting song for a Monday morning.

Not a song for today, a day that the Lord has made!

I like Mondays, and Tuesdays , and . . .

Jeff Hiller, a friend and local restaurant owner (Trackside Grill, in Honesdale), dropped by yesterday with our meal for this evening - a large pan of ziti and meatballs, salad and bread. Another great blessing that gives my wife a bit of relief from her work as a wife, mom, and hostess.

The de Haan family arrived last night from Tallahassee. Peter and Phyllis spent the night in Clarks Summit. Uncle Steve and his family are here with us. And the day is just beginning. We are anticipating a great week together - many good conversations, some good laughs, and - of course - a lot of pictures to be posted here!

I continue to be blessed with e-mails from members of my "family" from The Walker School. The love and encouragement that I am receiving is truly overwhelming.

The pain in my body continues to intensify, but no pain can quell the joy that is within me because of the love of Christ and the manifestation of that love in the words and actions of those that love and care about me. The pain can and will be managed, but I do not think that I will ever be able to "manage" the blessings that continue to come our way.

There are brief thoughts about death and dying this morning. With death, for one in Christ, there is the association with faith, peace, and hope. There is no fear. There are no regrets. I know that God is with me. I know death leads to rest, comfort, the presence of Christ, a crown of life, and a joyful resurrection. All good thoughts.

The hospice nurse visited this morning. We discussed ways to get the pain under better control. We also discussed the changes that have been occurring in my body function.

There are signs that my body is slowing down and giving in. My body is not cooperating with my mind. To me, this is becoming a source of frustration, mainly because I know that I am becoming more of a burden to my wife. She, of course, does not see it at as a burden. She will continue to care for me, in whatever way necessary, to the very end. No matter what. With humility. With patience. With pure lovingkindness.

Taking a break from the laptop and focusing on being there with family, I enjoyed with them a late lunch and a game of Scattergories. It is now late afternoon. The energy level in this household is waning. And we are each settling into comfortable spots around the home. There's a whole lot of napping going on! The children, however, keep running on their extra fuel reserves and keep us on our toes!

My brother Scott recently mailed to me a copy of The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. In the introduction, Pausch writes,

Engineering isn't about perfect solutions; it's about doing the best you can with limited resources.

This statement, in Pausch's mind, is really not about engineering, but about living life at the end. Even with limited resources, we do the best we can.

He refers to himself as an injured lion that still wants to roar. Can you feel his tension? Despite the fact that he is near the end, there is still much to do. There is still much to say.

I feel the same way. There is still so much to say to my family and friends. There is still so much to say about my Great God and Father in Heaven. There is still so much to thank Him for. There is still so much to praise Him for.

Pausch feels the tension between spending time with and preparing his family for his departure from this earth and leaving a legacy through his last lecture. [I think that he can do both. He has to do both. In the end, I think that he finds that he has accomplished both.] He writes,

I have a chance here to really think about what matters most to me, to cement how people will remember me, and to do whatever good I can on the way out.

He wants to know if he can still roar.

I know what matters most to me. Seeing Christ is first. Spending time with my immediate family is second. Third, is my extended family and friends. Each day - really each moment - is a matter of putting those priorities in place. As I focus each day, each moment, on seeing Jesus, the two other priorities do naturally fall into place.

Pausch mentions that his final lecture will be expected to be about dying, but that it had to be about living.

In reality, one cannot be separated from the other. In God's economy, dying is part of living.
As I face death, I am forced to think about life and put life into proper perspective. My death and release from this earth is the inevitable end to my life on this earth. But it is not the end in the ordinary sense of the word. I have lived in order that I might die away from the things of this earth and find new life in Jesus Christ.

Pausch comes to the conclusion that his cancer does not make him unique. I agree. Cancer may give us a different perspective, but it does not make us unique. It does not define who we are. It does allow us to join the ranks of those who suffer uncertainty and difficulty, but we are all in that same category. We all suffer. It is part of living. We, like Pausch, must ask ourselves what we have to offer to others in these circumstances. We have to find our purpose.

What I have to offer - to my family, to my friends, to those that God brings into my life during this time - is hope. The hope that is found only in Jesus Christ. I can help others to see Jesus. This must be my purpose in the moments and days that remain.

Army Pumpkin

2008-10-19T11:05:00.003-04:00

Our plebe carved (shameless pun here) some time out of his Saturday evening to carve a pumpkin - perhaps for the creative outlet, perhaps for the promise of a lightly toasted and salted snack of pumkin seeds - perhaps for both.

His younger brother and mother decided to get in on the action. Not shown, however, is the excitement of flicking slimy pumpkin seeds all over the kitchen. Not a particulary happy moment for mom!

I think I can detect in our son's expression just a hint of disgust at the sliminess of the whole ordeal.
What is he looking for?

Completed, the pumpkin sported a carved "A" for Army and is shown lit up on the back deck.

A Special Family and A Bake Sale

2008-10-19T10:39:00.004-04:00

The Tuttle Family has been dear to us for almost twelve years now. We first met when our boys were playing YMCA soccer. We continued to get to know each other through several years of Little League and Teen Baseball. We attended church together in Honesdale. And when our family was called to help plant a new church, the Tuttles graciously agreed to come alongside us and be part of the new work that God was doing in Forest City. Even after we left the church plant, the Tuttles have been faithful in continuing with the work of the ministry in Forest City through Cornerstone Baptist Church.

We have enjoyed many great times together as families. Many meals together. Game nights. Summers of baseball, as I mentioned.

They have been there for us through thick and thin - especially in this past year. The sacrifices that they have made for us are too numerous to count.

Hannah, pictured with me below, recently completed her Senior Community Service Project. As a junior - she is well ahead of the game! She decided to organize a bake sale to benefit our family. I cannot express how humbling that is. You will notice the tears of joy that we shared as we posed togther for the photograph. Apparently, the response to the sale was overwhelming as many folks contributed baked goods for the sale and many people, in turn, purchased the items that were prepared.

A number of items were purchased and brought into our home by family members visiting from out of town. We enjoyed cinnamon rolls, a variety of cookies, a very moist chocolate cake, and an absolutely amazing pumpkin pie - with mounds of whipped cream to boot.

We are thankful for everyone who participated in this event in some way. We are thankful for the Tuttle family. For their friendship. For Hannah and her desire to help us in this way.

It's Getting Better Every Day and An Impromptu Tribute to The Walker School

2008-10-19T08:01:00.006-04:00

Is it possible that each day of this life of mine is getting better?

In the back of my mind looms a cautious prediction from the oncologist (made about five weeks ago) that I may have a few months left. It was a prediction that was probably, in some small way, given reluctantly in response to a passing curiosity on my part) that I may only have a few months left to live - given the medical evidence available and the experience of the oncologist.

There were days, particularly three weeks ago, that we all thought that I was in my last days. We did not know, three Sunday nights ago, if I would wake up in the morning. [Please bear with me if you have heard or read this before from me, but I rehash it now to renew my perspective on this day at hand.] I woke up that Monday morning to the most beautiful smile I have ever seen glowing on my wife's face. I was alive.

But that same day, I could not kick the feeling that I was still very near to the end of life on earth. Feelings. I took every opportunity to say goodbye to friends and family members and tell them how much I loved and appreciated them. It was a tear-filled, emotional day. Yet a day filled with joy, knowing that leaving here meant being with Jesus. Seeing Him face to face.

In the past three weeks, there have been a few nights where I have felt that I was getting worse. Feelings. For the most part, I do not feel like I am dying. Feelings again. Although I am not really sure what I am supposed to feel like. At the same time, I do not feel like I am getting any better. If anything, the pain is increasing - it is being managed, but it changes locations and nature. My appetite has improved and I do not seem to be losing weight, but my tastes change almost daily. Hence, my frequent references to eating like a pregnant woman - certainly not meant to be offensive to pregnant women in any way. My body is certainly getting slower and weaker. I have less control than I am comfortable with. And I will stop there before getting too personal or graphic.

Having said all that, I am not sure where I am in this process of living and dying. But all that matters really is that God knows. And I have this day from Him. And today is more than enough.

Each day is better. Each day brings new blessings. Each day, God brings more people from the past into my life to encourage me and, for some reason, to graciously remind me how He has used me to be an encouragement to others.

I have been particularly blessed, this week, to hear from former colleagues and middle school students (now young adults) from The Walker School in Georgia. Actually, I am curious to know how the word of my condition has spread among that community. And I would like to encourage any that are still reading the blog to please leave an e-mail address for me to drop a quick note. The contact information does not get to me unless it is written in the body of the comment.
If any are uncomfortable in leaving an e-mail address, I can be e-mailed directly at jmichaelbond@hotmail.com.

And now, here is my impromptu tribute to The Walker School in Marietta, Georgia . . .

I would like my Walker Family (I still consider you that) to know how much I appreciate you and how I have followed your progress in the twelve years that I have been gone. For so many years, I longed to be back there, but it was not to be. Walker was a great place when I was there, and I am confident that, although it is a much different place twelve years later, that The Walker Way still prevails [to the credit of many, but certainly the likes of Don Robertson, Dixie Bowden, Nancy Calhoun (who will always be my educational hero(ine)), and Patty Mosely] and that Love is [still] spoken [there].

Bruce, Mike, Jama, Carolyn, Pam, Blair, Philippa, Newton and (The Walker Middle School - I apologize for leaving anyone out) - thank you for many great years at Walker. I love you all and appreciate how you took me into the family in 1991 and helped me to enjoy six of the greatest years that anyone could ask for.

The parents that I worked with at Walker were some of the finest people I have ever known. The sacrifices that you made for your children and for the school really impressed me. After leaving Walker and being involved in several other schools in various capacities, from teaching to advising, to conducting educational workshops, I have always held up Walker Parents as the standard. From great special lunches to providing every classroom tool avaialble to help enhance the learning experiences of the students/your children, you all were amazing.

And students - you gave more to me than I could ever give to you. Not a day goes by that I do not think about at least one of you. I read the alumni notes regularly, and follow your accomplishments. [By the way - and here is an unsolicited plug for the Alumni Department - take time keep Walker updated with what is going on in your lives - it may seem trivial to you, but for some of us, it is a tremendous blessing to hear about the persons you have become and the accomplishments you have had.] To know that God allowed me to be a part of your lives continues to be a great blessing to me. And thank you all who have taken the time to get in touch with me, to encourage me and remind me of incidents that occurred when we were together.

I would like all of you who were part of our morning prayer/devotional group to know what an encouragement you were to me, particulary after I first entered into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ in 1993. Remember the Storm of the Century? I think about you all often.

Thanks be to God for this aspect of my life.

Each day, as part of the whole package of blessings we receive, cards come in the mail. Some are humorous. Some are serious. All are encouraging. Many feature Bible verses.

I picked up a card this morning and spent a few moments reflecting on the handwritten verses that the sender put in the card.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am Your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my very right hand. Isaiah 41:10.

In context, God, through the prophet Isaiah, is reminding Israel that she has no reason to fear the judgment that He will exact on other nations; He has promised to uphold and strengthen her as a nation. He is a God who is faithful to keep His promises. Likewise, we have nothing to fear. God has given us many promises and He is faithful to keep His promises . . .

to give us peace (Leviticus 26:6)
to strengthen us (Isaiah 41:10)
to carry us through (Isaiah 46:4)
to comfort us (Isaiah 66:13)
to listen to us (Jeremiah 29:12)
to protect us (Acts 26:17)
to give us rest (Matthew 11:28)
to be with us (Genesis 31:3).

God has loved us with a everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). His love endures forever.

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Psalm 68:19.

Thanks be to God for a better day. For His Word of truth and comfort. For His provision of life and fellowship with other believers. For encouragement.

A Special Visitor and a Quiet Afternoon Together

2008-10-18T15:01:00.009-04:00

Each day God brings good things into our lives.

Almost ten years ago, God brought a young lady into our life who continues to be a blessing to us to this day. We first met Jenee when she stayed with our family while traveling as a missionary with the Encounter Revival Team (mentioned earlier in this blog). Jenee quickly became a dear friend to our family.

A few years later, God brought Jenee to Baptist Bible College as a student and as a participant in our ministry at Cornerstone Baptist Church in Forest City. During this time, she continued to be a blessing to our family.

Since graduating from BBC, Jenee has been a friend and blessing to our whole family.

When friends began asking us about turning this blog into something more permanent - like a book - our thoughts immediately focused on Jenee.

Jenee, we recalled, had mentioned the desire to write. And we have always been impressed with her God-given combination of humility, authenticity, freshness (as in perspective), and honesty.

She has graciously agreed to take what has been written in this blog and to follow God's leading to write out the story of God's working in the life of our family over the past year as we have together faced the challenges of living with cancer.

We are excited about how God will use this for His glory and, Lord willing, to provide hope for others who face life's uncertainties and difficulties.

Here is Jenee.

And here is Jenee with our daughter.

And here is Jenee with my wife.

It is late afternoon, Saturday. A quiet afternoon. We are enjoying being alone as a family. Not much excitement. Just being together. And that is more than enough for today.

My Sister Ann

2008-10-18T10:42:00.003-04:00

My sister Ann left this morning to drive back to Columbia, SC, where her husband, I am certain, misses her after two weeks of being here with us in Pennsylvania.

It was a tearful goodbye, as we had a great time together. It was great to spend time with her, and she was such a help and encouragement to all of us as she pitched in with household chores, meals, bedtime routines, errands, getting the children to and from school. etc.

It was a difficult goodbye, not knowing whether we will see each other again - a thought that was unspoken but certainly shared.

Here is Ann, below, enjoying a moment with our younger son.

As I have mentioned before, I am thankful to God for blessing me with a wonderful family - two parents, two brothers, and two sisters who love me and care about me.

Cadet Plebe Arrives Home in New Dress

2008-10-17T20:28:00.002-04:00

Our son, the WP Cadet Plebe, arrived home this evening in his newly-acquired winter-dress uniform. After posing in a somewhat traditional form for his mom,

he decided to loosen up a bit and act a little more casual in front of the camera. Soon, he tossed

all caution to the wind, removed his dress jacket, and hammed it up. Note how high-waisted the pants are cut .
He soon changed into more comfortable clothes and we enjoyed a Mexican feast of chicken enchiladas, refried beans, corn, rice, chips, salsa, sour cream, and guacamole dip. I am not sure why that had to be mentioned, but it is done.

We are anticipating a great weekend together, catching up on the week's adventures, both here and at the Academy. The time will go quickly, but we will enjoy each moment that God grants us.

Note the clean house!

And She Rests

2008-10-17T19:57:00.004-04:00

Being a cancer patient is what it is.

Being the wife of a cancer patient is hard work. My wife must not only pick up the slack for what I am not able to do (I cannot do much these days. I have not, for example, driven our car since February), but is mired in extra paperwork, phone calls, keeping up with medications, and a dozen other details that must be attended to on a daily basis (all in addition to the normal tasks of a wife and mom of three children).

Even for a hard-working, Energizer-Bunny-like, organizer like my wife, such caregiving is taxing on the body and mind.

Each day she begins with a list of tasks that must be accomplished for the day. To that list, several dozen other tasks are added throughout the day. [You know the routine - she tells me she is going to take a shower; thirty minutes and seven tasks later, I hear the water running.]

The best that I can do to help her is to pray continually and to encourage her as she attends to each task. Asking her to slow down or to take something off the list is absolutely out of the question!

Today was a particularly taxing day for my wife. She, of course, has to deal with her feelings about my condition. But she has to keep on working through the hurt and pain.

We began the day with prayer and she set out to complete her list of tasks. There were moments of near melt-down in the early part of the morning, but things got better by mid-morning.

By mid-afternoon, after much prayer and hard work, with great help from my sister and a friend who cleans for us, my wife's tasks for the day were completed and . . .

she rested! She actually reclined her body on the sofa, pulled out a magazine, and rested. [If her family members look closely, they will observe that she is reading a magazine article about her aunt, Kay Farrell, the President and CEO of the Greater Omaha Chapter of the National Safety Council.]

Later, she traded the magazine for a blanket and took a short nap. For this, I was and am truly thankful. The rest was needful. And God provided.

A Whole Lot of Thinking . . . But I Want to See Jesus!

2008-10-17T06:37:00.007-04:00

To see Jesus is to apprehend Him as the supply of our present needs and believingly lay hold on Him as such (from We Would See Jesus, by Roy and Revel Hession).

Again, today, I will seek Him. I will seek to see Him particularly as the answer to every need that I have today and to believe, with every fiber of my heart and body, that He alone has already met my needs for this day.

One of the absolutely wonderful things about life is that we never know what each day will bring. Certainly, there are consistencies in the day, but there are also - there in the midst of the expected - wild and wonderful surprises and opportunities for us to encounter. Sometimes, though we get so consumed with the expected that we ignore - or completely miss - these opportunites. These opportunities may be in the form of people, thoughts, circumstances.

Something as simple as a short glance down at my laptop screen in the midst of a before-school interaction with my five-year old may cause me to miss a smile that might have given me a day full of pleasant thoughts.

In whatever form, these opportunities are available to help us to grow and mature in our undertanding of who we are and help us to see Jesus more clearly.

I woke up drowsy this morning. Actually, I did not sleep particularly well last night because of pain. It was one of those nights that I could not wait for morning to come.

Thoughts are random this morning.

One of the things that I have been thinking about is how my life - like all of ours - can be divided into different phases.

I think about my high school years and my involvement in community theater, the friends I had, and the foolishness with which I engaged.

I think about my college years, fraternity life, the friends I had, the things I studied, and the foolishness with which I engaged.

I think about my first real job out of college, traveling to various colleges and universities, teaching unenlightened young college students, only a few years younger than I, how to improve their reading and study skills in order to make them more successful in life. I think about the friends I had and the foolishness with which I engaged.

I think about moving down to Atlanta in 1985, after accepting an offer over the phone, to teach science at a private (military-like) college-preparatory school in a fancy suburb. I think about the friends I had and the foolishness with which I engaged. But here, I also think about how this time of my life, like all the others, shaped me in so many ways. It was here that I established patterns for the kind of teacher I would become. It was here that I met my best friend and wife. It was during this time that we got married, wrestled with what we were going to do with our lives, had our first child, began attending church, and - by God's grace - were saved by the grace of God. It was duirng this time that I really first saw Jesus. It was during this time that we, as a couple, entered into friendships that remain strong today.

I think about changing positions in 1991, accepting a teaching position at a warm, friendly, growing school in another suburb of Atlanta - teaching middle school students. I think about the friends that I made (and a particularly strong friendship with a fellow science teacher that has endured both distance and time), the experiences I had, and the foolishness with which I engaged (although less than in earlier stages of my life, by God's grace). I think about the wonderful teachers with whom I served, the caring parents, the bright students. I think about having our daughter during this time. Living in our home on Tranquility Court. Growing in our relationship with the Lord with our brothers and sisters in Christ at Mountain View. Our great times with the Lyerlys and Harpers and other families close to us. I think about how, in the final weeks before our move back, God called me to enter into some kind of full-time ministry for Him.

I think about our decision to leave Atlanta, and the wonderful life we had there, to move to Pennsylvania. How we moved back here without a promise of employment and no real direction, except a conviction that God was leading us back here to raise our children in a small town atmosphere, close to family. I think about how long we tried to figure out how to get back to Atlanta and the life we left behind there, until we eventually realized that the move was the right one (we think) in the long run. I think about how God worked in my heart in those first months after the move, as I explored options for seminary training and sought employment. I think about the hours and hours I spent each day reading the Bible and other good Christian works.

I think about how these eleven years since moving back to Pennsylvania have been filled with change. Change has been the theme of our existence. Job changes. Changes in residence. Changes in ministry.

I think about how God has changed us. I still do foolish things, but -by the grace of God - I am not as foolish as I once was. God has changed me. For my betterment. For His glory.

I think about the opportunities that God has given us to be involved in His ministry - in church planting, in teaching at a Christian school, in serving as an assistant pastor. He has taken me places that I could not have even dreamed of going - and I am filled with expectation of being in a place that is indescribable.

I think about the great people with whom God has allowed us to serve.

I think about how I have learned - and am continuing to learn - to see Jesus as all I need, as the truth, as the way of life, and as the end of all ends. I think about my great responsibilty and privilege to help others see Jesus as well.

Perhaps today I am thinking too much.

What I really need - what I really want - is to see Jesus.

Seeing God

2008-10-16T09:17:00.006-04:00

Ardy Parlin, the Director of Encounter Revival Ministries, sent me a "care package" last week that included several of the team's musical recordings and two classic books.

This morning I picked up a copy of We Would See Jesus by Roy and Revel Hession that he sent. I am always amazed at how some authors are able to pack so much meaty substance into such short books. If only the manufacturer of my raisin bran would take the same approach.

The big idea here, in this book, is that seeing God is the purpose of life.

My goal is God Himself, not joy, nor peace, nor even blessing, but Himself, my God.

It was for this purpose - seeing God - that we were created by the very breath of God. And it is for this purpose - seeing God - that we were redeemed through the sacrifice and blood of Jesus Christ.

We are advised that service and activity for God may prevent us from attaining our true goal of seeing God.

We must ruthlessly seek to see God and allow Him to bring us back into a desired relationship of submission to Him. Only in submission to His will can we see God.

Today, I want to see God for all He is - in all His glory. I want to fellowship with Him in His suffering. I want to follow Him by making others my priority today. I want to see Jesus.

We just had a wonderful visit with our pastor, his wonderful wife, and three of his beautiful children. We laughed and prayed and enjoyed a nice lunch together. Though colleagues for less than a year, we enjoy a friendship that seems far beyond anything that could possibly develop in that amount of time. It is simply a gift from our gracious Lord.

My sister Ann left to do some errands in Honesdale and pick up our daughter from school.

My younger son and I are preparing to snuggle up on the sofa a view a Mr. Bean video for the next part of the afternoon.

Life is good.

In a continuing effort to chronicle what may be the "final months," here are additional pictures taken today. We realized today that we have to have last night's company back again, as we forgot to snap pictures.

Below, Jack and our younger son share a snack from a bowl on the clean(?) kitchen floor.

Here, Pastor Matt and Carol pose with sons Zack and Ben.

This is an attempt by the Wolfes and Bonds to pose with the twins. Cooperation was minimal, but we tried!

What Is On My Mind?

2008-10-15T12:05:00.006-04:00

What is on my mind?

A set of Adirondack chairs on a lakefront dock.

My wife and I

And a good cup of coffee.

Enough said?

More Photographs and Memories

2008-10-15T08:17:00.004-04:00

In the past three weeks, we have tried to capture our family and friends digitally. Some of the photographs, including those of my college friends who visited a few weeks ago, are being held ransom by a friend's rebel camera. We are still negotiating ther release and subsequent publication. In the meantime, here are some photos taken yesterday, mostly on on our back deck. We enjoyed two or three hours outside in the sun (mixed with clouds). It was a beautiful fall day.

My sister Ann and our younger son pose for the camera. Our son's sensitivity to light warrants his wearing of these cool sunglasses. Note the black turtleneck - an early indication of his desire to be what my friend Bruce might call a "snappy dresser."

Indoors, earlier yesterday morning, my son and I spent some time creating artwork using paper, pencils, markers, and scissors. Our son has a great imagination and enjoys creating things.

The pig nose was a purchase made at a local pumpkin farm during a Kindergarten field trip on Monday. A little thing, but a lot of fun. It prompted quite a round of animal-sound making on Tuesday morning during our regularly-scheduled, pre-dress and wash-up snuggle time.

Here I am with my sister Ann. How about the return of my facial hair? My younger son thinks that I look like a real daddy again! Ann has been such a delight and help to us over the past few weeks. I have enjoyed watching her interact with our children and playing Wii each night in attempt to cut down her "fitness age." While she has been here, we have also been able to spend some time with two of our nieces.

Here is a photo of my wife and my sister. I like that they enjoy not only an obligatory in-law relationship, but that they are more like sisters and friends. Ann, as I have mentioned, has been a great help and blessing to all of us, but especially to my wife.

Finally, here is a photograph of my sister Ann and our daughter. Our daughter just had three inches of hair removed from her head and is as beautiful as the day God created her.

I am thankful for family and friends. God, even in this, has blessed us beyond measure.

Poems, Priorities, and Platforms

2008-10-15T07:53:00.003-04:00

In the past few days, I have exchanged a series of e-mails with my fourth-grade teacher, who now lives with her family on the San Juan Islands near Seattle, Washington. She just happens to be the sister of a high-school friend that I have also recently become fast friends with through the technology of e-mail.

God uses all kinds of means to connect people!I could never have imagined that God would orchestrate such “reunions” at this point in my life – but for His own reasons, He has. And it has turned out to be a tremendous blessing for me.

I have enjoyed catching up with someone that I thought was a long-lost friend never to be seen again.

Each day, I think about the people from my past that I will never see again. Instead of regretting the numbers I will not see, I try to focus on thanking God for allowing me to see the ones I am seeing and will see. I trust that He will continue to place before me the people and circumstances with whom and with which He wants me to engage.

In all of this, there is the priority of my immediate family.

My wife and I have discussed the importance of making sure that she and my children are not set aside at any time. They are of primary importance. They are my primary responsibility. In all of the excitement of seeing and interacting with “old friends” I must ferociously guard our time as a family. I must learn to say no to some opportunities when I desperately want to say yes.

The fact is -bottom line – my time is limited – and I am still learning to accept that - and I must choose what is most important in any given instant. I am learning to put down my laptop when family members are in the room. They need me more. The e-mails and blog entries can wait until everyone else is off doing their own thing and I am alone in the living room in my recliner. Which is frequent enough.

Nonetheless, I have enjoyed catching up with a teacher that had an impact on me in my early adolescence, simply by taking some time to read to her class each day after lunch.

It reminds me of other teachers who, through their example, influenced me to be the teacher I came to be. In my teachers, I observed a love for learning, but also a love for the students themselves. I observed hard work, enthusiasm, a good sense of humor, a keen interest in the whole student, a genuine desire to see students learn and grow, etc. These are qualities that I like to think that I carried over into my own teaching.

She has shared with me photographs that depict the beauty of life in the San Juan Islands. It is still true that a picture is worth a thousand words.

She has graciously shared with me what her family is like and how she spends her time these days.

I find it fascinating that one would be so willing to take time to correspond with a student from the distant pass. Then I realize, in a moment, that I would take the same opportunity. The heart of a teacher is always looking to make a connection with a student. Always looking for an opportunity to share, to advise, to instruct.

One of the greatest blessings she has sent my way is a quotation she heard in church. As many know, I love and am a collector of great quotations. The best thing to do with quotes, though, is to share them immediately, not tuck them away so they are lost to others.

This quotation, is apparently a portion of All Glory to God, which is in Norman Habel's Interrobang. [Incidentally, an interrobang is a relatively new form of punctuation which is actually a combination of an interrogative mark and an exclamation point, ?!)

...I want you to listen when I yell at the sky,
pound my pillow, kick the ground,
throw stones at the stars, slam doors, or swear at the world.
Perhaps that's not giving all glory to God,
as others do with folded hands and frozen face,
but for me it means I am paying you the highest respect there is.
It means I trust you with the truth - all the truth.

In some ways, these words make me uncomfortable. I find it difficult to get angry with God. When I weigh my own complaints against the grace He has shown me in Jesus Christ, I have no reason to be angry. I could choose to focus on all the things that I never got to do in this life, but I choose to focus on everything that God has allowed me to do.

What I appreciate about these words is the honesty they express before God – the same honesty that I see David express in his psalms.

In Psalm 13, for example, David expresses his doubts and fears. While I may find this uncomfortable at times, I know that it is OK and that it is healthy – as long as we get around, like David, to re-focusing our trust in God. What David is expressing here in Psalm 13 is not really anger, but doubt. And his doubts turn to trust.

In other psalms, I see more emotion, including anger, being expressed by David toward God. Is it ever right to be angry with God? In a word, I think that it is OK to express such anger with God, but we have no right to stay that way. Our hearts and minds must be re-focused. As David's always was in the psalms.

I can be real with God. He is my Heavenly Father. I have a personal relationship with Him. I can go to Him with all my thoughts and feelings. But, in the end, I must recognize that He is my Heavenly Father, He is the One who is in control. He is the One who is above all.

Holding on to anger with God demonstrates a poor understanding of His character – particularly His love and grace.

So, bottom line, while I am uncomfortable with the thought of being angry with God, I think that it is normal and even acceptable, as long as our anger gives way to a deeper understanding of who God is, a deeper trust in His goodness and faithfulness. We need to be honest with God, and, at the same time, be willing to see Him honestly for who He is. We should never let our own emotions cloud our understanding of our Great God and Savior.

My challenge for today it to make God's priorities for this day my priorities. It is obvious today that me wife needs to be comforted and re-assured by me. Our children, especially our daughter, need some extra TLC as they deal with a dad whose days are filled with uncertainty.

I need to help them understand that while things are changing rapidly in their lives – new teachers, new patterns of living, etc., God does not change. He is always here. He will not let them/us down.

I need to help them find stability in God alone. It is nowhere else to be found. He alone is the Rock that we can cling to right now. Jesus Christ is our only hope. For in Him, life -here on earth and for an eternity in heaven – is certain.

Old Friends and Random New Thoughts

2008-10-14T09:34:00.006-04:00

What a blessing when long-lost, "old" friends become new friends again. And all through e-mail.

For the past few days, I have been e-mailing with a high school friend that I have wanted to re-connect with for many years. I am very much a nostalgic person and do not like to leave loose ends - meaning, I do not like to let friends go, even through that is an inevitability in life.

And then there is another friend who craves pistachios but remains elusive. Perhaps we will have an opportunity to revive the Kingston Trio Impersonators, even if only in our random thoughts, for only a moment.

People grow and change. And it is exciting to look back to who we were and to look how far we have come.

I am having a good morning. I slept relatively well. My pain is bearable, but present. Enough to remind me of who I am, what I am facing, and what I have to look forward to.

Michael and Jo left early this morning. My sister Ann is still here and being a great help to us - and we enjoy her being here!

I continue to thank God for the blessings that I have been given in these three weeks since the oncologist told me that I only had a month or two left. I have always wondered what kind of impact that sort of declaration would have on my life, and now I know. I am determined, by God's grace, to enjoy each moment, each day, each person that God allows to be part of my life during this time.

I woke up this morning thinking about growing up as "James Bond." A great topic for a blog entry, but not today.

Today is a relatively quiet day. A great day to be at home with our younger son.

I continue to thank God for my beautiful, smoking hot, Titus 2, Proverbs 31 wife. She is simply an amazing gift from God. She loves and serves me unconditionally. Her smile brightens my day. Her strength overwhelms me. I still have to pinch myself every once in a while when I am with her to know that she is really here with me.

In the next few days, we hope to connnect with more of our "local" friends. We miss them too and want to spend time with them.

Some random thoughts from my reading this morning:

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints. Psalm 116:15

To the child of God, there is no such thing as an accident, he travels an appointed way . . . (A.W. Tozer).

I am here by God’s appointment, in His keeping, under His training, for His time (Robert Morgan).

Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand (Robert Morgan).

Today, I will try to focus on what is clearly at hand. All else will have to wait.

Harvest Pictures for a Monday Morning

2008-10-13T11:24:00.002-04:00

On Sunday afternoon, part of the family spent some time on the back deck carving pumpkins. The creation below is one of my favorites - notice the happy, yet mischievious, face.

My wife and younger son take a break from carving to smile for the camera. Out of the pumpkin comes seeds ready for cleaning, salting, baking, and munching.

Grammy Jo and Isaac keep busy carving as the camera keeps snapping photographs.

Here I am with our older son, a few minutes before he leaves to return to post. Notice the handsome uniform on the son. Note the facial hair on dad.

Red Sea Rules and Understanding on a Monday Morning

2008-10-13T07:46:00.003-04:00

It's another Monday morning. We arose early, between 5 and 6, my wife and I, and spent personal time in God's Word and in prayer.

I read through a short book Red Sea Rules, by Robert Morgan. This book was sent home to me by a pastor from Highland Falls, NY; the pastor of a church that is ministering to our son while he is at the Academy.

Morgan reminded me, this morning, that I follow and worship the same God that led the Israelites out of Egypt in Exodus 14. And I should be learning some of the same lessons that they learned:

God wants me to be right here where I am; He wants me to be more concerned for God's glory than my own relief; I need to be aware of my enemy, but keep my focus on the Lord; I need to pray; I need to stay calm and confident, and give God time to work in every situation; when I am unsure of what the future holds, I need to take the next logical step by faith; I need to know - really know - the abiding presence of God; I need to trust God to deliver me/us in His own unique way; I need to see my present circumstances as an opportunity to strengthen my faith for the future; I need to never forget to praise Him.

May my final breath be a breath of praise to my Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer.

A particular passage from this little book stood out to me this morning. In John 13:7, we read, Jesus answered and said, to Him, "What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this."

We cannot fully understand what God is doing right now in these circumsatnces, but we will. And we pray that all who are observing will ultimately see God's power, wisdom, and grace at work in our lives -for His glory and our refinement.

My sister drove our two younger children to school this morning. My wife is busy with morning chores. We are preparing our hearts and minds for another great day in the Lord.

My heart is filled with thanksgiving and gratitude. With the joy of the Lord who is my strength.

Sunday Morning Album

2008-10-12T09:07:00.006-04:00

Today, said I, is a good day to post some photos on the blog - part of my on-line journal of this new kind of plan-ahead, funeral for a friend, kind of thing.

My wife listens intently to conversation on the deck. I love to see her rest in the midst of all the busy-ness of caring for me. I love to see her smile.

Grammy Jo, Papa Luigi, and our younger son, all clad in West Point gear, pose for a picture on the deck. We enjoyed a beautiful day outdoors on Saturday.

My sister Ann, her daughter Tracy, and Tracy's friend Nichelle enjoy a conversation on the deck under a cloudless sky. Tracy and Nichelle are both in the banking business and live in Philadelphia. Just this past week, Tracy received a promotion to head of customer service at a competing bank in Philadelpia. In the past three months, she also joined a three-person rock band called Vaudeville as a bass player; they pay local venues in Philadelphia, but are seeking to expand their playing area.

Another photo of our son with the Grands. Notice that our son has switched to his BDU's. Of course, this photo may have preceded the previous group shot. I'll consult the managing editor and get back to you on that one - just for the sake of integrity in the media.

Papa Luigi enjoys a moment in the sun. Does it get any better than this?

Construction Project with Uncle Scott

2008-10-12T08:52:00.004-04:00

A friend gave our younger son a "fire truck" project kit to be completed at home. Last week my brother Scott took a few minutes to help with the project. Here are three photos that chronicle the event.

Notice the intensity in the faces as they begin to tackle the project. Notice the smile on our son's face.

The boys pause for the camera.

The boys look like they are putting in the finishing touches. The finished project, pictured below, runs well and gets a great deal of playing time. I know that I appreciate the time that Scott spent with our son on this project, and I am sure that is was a special time for our son as well.

Two Hundred and One. Only One Life.

2008-10-12T07:41:00.004-04:00

Only one life, 'Twill soon be past.
Only what's done for Christ will last.

There is a sense of urgency. There is always a sense of urgency when it comes to seeing loved ones come into an encounter with the true and living God.

But there is also an overriding sense that this urgency in in God's control. His timing is perfect. His ways are perfect.

I dozed off quite a bit during the afternoon and evening hours yesterday. Apparently, I talked to myself and a person named Squiggy. Overall, I had a pretty good night. I was able to get up out of my bed to use the bathroom on my own - small victories count! And my wife did a fine job managing my pain level. While I have no desire to suffer great pain, I do not want to be totally pain-free. I want to experience the wide range of feelings and emotions that accompay this process. I do not want to be a hero, I just want to know what is it like.

Sunday mornings begin quietly and slowly here. Quiet time with the Lord in His Word and reflecting on His Word in prayer and silent thanksgiving. About this time, the noise level creeps up as the household starts to come alive - the business of a four-year-old waking up, wanting to snuggle for a few minutes before jumping into his toys. Those first morning hugs, kisses and I love yous are very special times of the morning. Just to set the pace for the day.

Our fourteen-year-old daughter continues to be my sunshine. From the age of two. She has always had the ability to turn my day around with her smiles, here hugs, and her kisses.

As she becomes a busy teenager, absorbed by friendships and activities, I have a greater appreciation for the time we spend together. Her smiles mean more. Her hugs and kisses are sweeter. Our conversations are dearer.

I am determined that we need to be together more. I desire to listen to her and hear what is on her heart. I desire to help her know, as best I can, how much I love, respect and admire who she is and who she is becoming as a young woman following after Christ.

She is a delightful young lady. She needs to know that I see that in her. She needs to know that I am missing something great when I am not around her.

The household is bustling even more as the plebe climbs out of bed, gives his hugs and kisses, and prepares for a morning run.

It is 8 am. A helicopter looms overhead as the 13th Annual Steamtown Marathon gets underway less than a mile from here at the Forest City Regional School. In a few short, yet grueling hours for many participants, the race will end at Courthouse Square in Downtown Scranton.

My sister Ann is here, seemingly content, but always looking for things that she can do to help around around the house. She has the heart of a servant.

Papa Luigi and Grammy Jo are neatly tucked away at the motel in Honesdale. We anticipate reports on the activity level of the wedding party that stayed there last night as well. The Grands will be meeting our children at Canaan Bible Chapel for church at ten.

I think that my sister is going to see a friend later this morning.

If all comes to pass, my wife and I may be able to open up our Bibles together, listen to a message online, and prayerfully contemplate the love of God and His perfect plan for our day.

As I pray and thank God today, I ask: Can a man be any more blessed? Does it get any better than this? - I believe it does, because the Bible promises that it does! But I can only imagine.

Two Hundreth Blog Entry

2008-10-11T09:08:00.003-04:00

200th blog entry! Ta da! Get out the durders.

Our older son used to walk around with the cardboard cylinders from paper towels calling them durders. He used them to make a trumpet sound: “Dur – dur –durr!”

So what can we do with this 200th blog entry?

I could rank my 200 entries, in favorite order. Nah.

I could tell you all about 200 of my favorite things to do. Hmm.

200 of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. Not enough time to narrow the list.

200 of my favorite people. I might forget someone. I think that there are way more than 200 anyway.

200 things I’d like to do before I die. No time. Or maybe too much time. Actually, I am doing everything that I want to do!

200 things you always wanted to know about me. Boring. If you want to know, just ask.

200 of my favorite tunes from the Seventies.

200 of my favorite words and phrases. Arms akimbo is near the top.

What to do?

I could do much about nothing. Like I’m doing. At which I am proficient doing. But what would that do? What would be accomplished?

Except that my 200th blog would be posted.

+++

In the last two weeks, if you have been reading this blog, you know that I/we have been visited by many family members and friends from out of town. I have had phone calls and e-mails from both high school and college friends.

Folks, this is a better way to do a funeral. I have been able to have conversations with the people that I love and miss – some that I did not even know I missed until I saw their name appear in a letter, an e-mail, or on a Facebook page.

Of course, this type of funeral also requires some advanced planning and a bit of assumed risk.

First, you need to get people to come to see you before you die. Sometimes, you have to pull the c-a-n-c-e-r card. Actually, I do not think that this takes much coaxing. I think that I am a bit more personable in this present state than I will be when I am laid out in a box.

This type of funeral also involves some risk. But sometimes risks are necessary. You have to make the assumption, based on the limited ability of health professionals to predict the time of demise, that you will actually die within a reasonable amount of time. Otherwise, the celebration is essentially moot. It’s just a party. Parties are good too!

Some may decide to come again later for the traditional funeral. That’s up to the individual. It really has nothing to do with you. But it is nice for the family.

This one is essentially for me. The traditional funeral is for the rest of you. But I would like to suggest that both be considered celebrations of life, not times for mourning over my passing. Do not waste your time. It’s OK to be sad because you miss me. But do not feel sorry for me. I am with Jesus. Where I belong.

The miracle that we are praying for has happened and will happen. It is a miracle that God loved me and cared for me, one who rebelled against Him as my Father and Creator, and continued to rebel against Him as I rejected His offer of redemption and reconciliation in Jesus Christ. When He held out His hand and offered me a pardon for my sin against Him, I spit in His hand. Yet He died for me and continued to pursue me until my will was submitted to His, until I accepted His gracious offer for freedom from sin and life in Him.

It is a miracle that whether I remain here for a few more years or move on to be present with the Lord, I have life. Abundant life in Him.

Do not the miss the miracle that has already occurred and the one that will continue to unfold as God works our His perfect plan through these circumstances of life.

+++

Yesterday we met with the funeral director – picked out a casket, and talked about some of the details. We still have to pick out a grave marker, finish the obituary notice, and finalize plans for memorial contributions. We have the burial plots. Essentially, we are good to go.

+++

Papa Luigi and Grammy Jo drove up to Highland Falls, NY with our daughter to pick up our older son Friday afternoon. It is good to have him home again for the weekend. It is also nice to have Michael and Jo here.

I am blessed to have two mothers-in-law and two fathers-in-law. I really mean that (or I would not have said it). I love and appreciate both for who they are. They all love us and care for us in very special ways. I appreciate each member of the families that God has given us and will enjoy our time with each one.

God has given me and my wife wonderful families who love us and care for us. We are truly blessed.

+++

We are expecting a visit from our niece (Ann’s daughter) from Philadelphia later today. There will be food, and conversation, and much laughter. There will be recollections of days gone by. And there will probably be Wii.

+++

This day has the promise of being another great day that the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.

Brothers and Epitaphs

2008-10-10T07:02:00.014-04:00

Last evening, we ventured out to see the Encounter Team in Honesdale, as planned. I was glad we went. The music was a great blessing, and I was able to see many friends who have been such a support and encouragement to us.

This picture was taken of me and my brothers (Bob, left and Scott, right) while they were visiting us from CO and SC last week. [Note the Lazy Boy - a feature in most of the photographs that include me these days. This is my control pad. The nucleus of my nerve center. My nesting place.] We had a great time together and I will always be grateful for that time provided for us by the Lord. My brothers are the nicest guys you will ever meet. I enjoyed watching them play with our younger son and cheerfully tackling items on the honey-do list that my wife prepared for me months ago.

This afternoon, my wife and I have a meeting with a funeral director to select a box and a grave marker. Whatever happened to pine and a simple granite marker!

Thinking about these things, my mind has been running through epitaphs these past few days.

This might do . . .

To be absent from the body is to be home with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:7).

I enjoy reading humorous epitaphs. Here a few I have seen over the years . . .

Found in a Georgia cemetery: I told you I was sick!

Born 1903 - Died 1922: Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

A scientist who died at the age of 85: He died learning.

All dressed up and no place to go.

I like this one . . .

Remember, friend, when passing by,

As you are now, so once was I.

As I am now, soon you will be,

Prepare for death and follow me.

To which someone added:

To follow you I'm not content.

Until I know which way you went.

Some of these were found in the opening chapter of Jim George's book, A Man After God's Own Heart.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, I agree with George that we should all seek to have the epitaph ascribed to David by God:

I have found David son of Jessee a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do (Acts 13:22).

And one other that should describe all followers of Jesus Christ:

I have sinned; I have repented; I have trusted; I have loved; I rest; I shall rise; I shall reign.

Encountering Thursday

2008-10-09T08:45:00.003-04:00

Each year, for the past ten years or so, we have enjoyed the ministry of the Encounter Revival Singers, under the direction of Ardy Parlin, based in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. As I write, I am listening to Come As You Are, a recording made in 2005.

One of the many amazing things about this ministry is that the music is not placed above all else. It comes as a supernatural overflow of young hearts submitting to the teaching and working of God in their lives through the Holy Spirit.

We have not only been blessed by their music and teaching ministry, but have had the privilege of hosting and becoming close to several members of the team over the past ten years. Through the working of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God, a number of the team members have had a profound impact on the spiritual lives of each member of our family, especially our two older children.

In the past few years, we have enjoyed seeing several young people from our geographic area, including students from Canaan Christian Academy, become part of this exciting ministry team.

This week, the Encounter Revival Singers are ministering at the Honesdale Gospel Tabernacle in Honesdale. As of yet, I have not been able to get out to see them. But as I mentioned, I am enjoying one of their CD’s as I write.

Yesterday, the team ministered at Canaan Christian Academy. My daughter brought home a card signed by members of the present ministry team. For over an hour this morning, I poured over the comments and scripture references that these young people shared with me – and I was truly blessed.

Today, I hope to share just a portion of the blessings I received as I reflect on what I have learned.

First, some thoughts on God’s truth, reflected through the Encounter singers . . . These are portions of the personal notes written to me by the young people on the team.

God is my strength. He loves me with a perfect love. I can find joy in the Lord during this present tribulation. I can feel His hands in every aspect of my life. I can trust Him no matter what. He loves me more than I know. I have the victory in all things through Christ Jesus. God knows what He is doing. He will never let me down. God renews my strength daily. He is mighty and powerful. He knows the outcome of every situation. God is always here for me. I can rely on Him for strength and encouragement. God has a special purpose for every situation.

The second thing I did was to read and reflect on the Scripture references that were shared with me in the card. Some of the verses are shared below without reflection.

My heart and my flesh fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26.

After reading this verse, I turned over a few pages in my Bible and read Psalm 84:2, My soul longs, yes, even faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh cry out for the Living God.

We have a wonderful privilege, although too often neglected, to worship the true and living God here on earth with other believers. As great as that is, it must pale in comparison to worshipping Him face to face. I can only begin to imagine what that will be like. But, like David, I long to know.

I will sing of the mercies of the LORD forever. With my mouth will I make known Your faithfulness to all generations. Psalm 89:1.

God is indeed merciful, full of unfailing love. With every breath I take, I pray that I can contribute to this symphony of praise to God for His faithfulness to all generations. Through personal encounters in the days and weeks to come – with my wife, children, other family members, friends, etc., through what I write in this blog; through whatever legacy I am able to leave behind for the glory of God.

[On a side note, my wife and I have been praying for several months now about putting this blog - this story of God working in my life - into some kind of printed form – for the sole purpose of preserving a record of what God has done in our lives and providing hope for others who face similar challenges in life. We have talked with a close friend, a godly young woman and aspiring writer, who is praying about helping us to complete this work. Please pray with us for wisdom and guidance as we seek to do this for God’s glory alone. Please pray that God would take away from us any selfish motives that our hearts may devise.]

For our light affliction, which is for but a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things that are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18.

Paul knew that the weight of future glory was far beyond the pressure of our present suffering in this world. [Physics students, please forgive my mixing of units of measurement!]

In 2 Corinthians 2:14-17, Paul describes the joyful perspective that comes from looking past our present circumstances and placing our focus on our position and privileges in Jesus Christ. [A reading of the first three chapters of Ephesians is a good place to begin to help re-focus on this perspective.] Paul reflects on the privilege of being used as an influence for Christ. His reflection reminds me that we are all called to be an influence for His Gospel – in every situation of life. Like Paul, we must thank God for the privilege of serving Him. I know that God is pleased by our faithfulness.

If we are to endure the circumstances of life in a way that pleases God, gives all glory to Him, and matures us in Christlikeness, we must learn to look beyond the visible to the invisible, from the physical to the spiritual, from the temporary to what is lasting. We must be consumed with the pursuit of God – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. The pursuit of knowing Him.

[Wow! I have to interject. A dear sister in Christ, Rebecca, recorded a CD of some of my favorite hymns and spiritual songs – featuring both her piano and vocal skills. What a gift! Thank you, my dear sister. Thank you for helping me to draw out whatever talent has God has given me by allowing yourself to be humbled with the likes of me. We never had the opportunity to record a CD together, but perhaps we will sing together in heaven – for His glory alone.]

You will show me the path of life; in Your presence as fullness of joy, at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

[Wow, Rebecca! I can’t type through the tears as you sing Your Eye Is on the Sparrow. Thanks for providing the soundtrack for my life. This is surely it.]

One of the things I long to do, that I need to do, is to spend more time in personal self-evaluation.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24.

By far, the most mentioned Scripture reference in the card from the Encounter Team was Isaiah 4:27-31. As I have reflected a great deal on this passage in this blog in the past, I will keep my reflections brief here. Isaiah writes to remind the people of what they already know – that God has not forgotten them and that He is not ignorant of their present condition. He was not too weak to act on their behalf. In the words of John MacArthur, praying believers are blessed by God with strength in trials.

Oh, what a morning! What a blessing to enjoy the ministry of God’s Word through these young people. To listen to the music that flows out of young hearts devoted to learning and living out His Word. And to listen to the love that a dear Christian sister has poured into a recording that glorifies our God and floods my soul with praise and thanksgiving for the God who created and redeemed me for His glory.

Evening Post for No Apparent Reason

2008-10-08T20:01:00.002-04:00

Here is a picture of us with my mom and dad that appeared in the Wayne Independent last week. They are now safely back in Columbia, SC . . .

. . . and . . .

here! My wife went out to Turkey Hill to pick up ice cream. Our son is on the phone and I am looking forward to catching up with Him.

How Can I Cast off the Distractions? or How Can I Praise Him Enough?

2008-10-08T08:21:00.007-04:00

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out! Romans 11:33

In less than fifteen years of truly reading a studying the Bible, I have only scratched the surface. I have only just begin to understand God's wisdom, His knowledge, His judgments, and His ways.

Notice how Paul, in this great doxology - following his explanation of God's revealed plan for Israel - emphasizes God. His methods are beyond human comprehension. His purposes and plans, while beyond description, warrant that we should continually worship and praise Him for who He is and what He has done - even though we do not completely understand.

I do not have to completely understand everything in God's dealings with me. I simply need to accept that God always deals with me in a way that is fair and just and good. I simply need to understand that He is in control and I do not need to know all the answers to all my questions. I need to remember that these are God's ways, God's judgments, His knowledge, and it His wisdom that is supreme.

I do not need to be concerned with these things over which God is in control. Giving up such concern for the things that are under His control frees me to live for Him. To worship Him. To love Him. To minister to others in His name and for His sake.

The fact is, He has given us sufficient understanding. We are without excuse, according to Paul in Romans 1. As His created beings, He deserves our all.

And as I approach - perhaps - the end of my earthly existence, I feel like I cannot give Him enough of myself. But is it for that reason that eternity was created and that I am being prepared for eternity? - that I may, without distraction of hinderance of any sort, give Him all glory and honor and praise?

I have this feeling like I am being peeled away, somewhat like a onion - hopefully bringing more joy than tears to others - to reveal what God has truly created me to be for eternity.

Today is a day to cast off the distractions. To focus on my God and my Father. To focus on the life I have in Him. To focus on the people He has placed in my life. To Him be all glory and honor and praise.

Revolving Door Hospitality

2008-10-07T13:25:00.005-04:00

Yesterday evening and last night were filled with incredible pain and discomfort. I was practically at the point of begging my wife for more morphine. There was little relief to be found - until about three this morning.

This morning, I woke up groggy, but in considerably less pain. And I was very thankful.

My parents left an hour ago to drop my brother Scott off at the airport so that he can return home to his family in Colorado. It was so nice to have my parents here, but even more so - my two brothers. In a family of five children, I was separated from Scott and Bob the most in age. I never really connected with them as much as my two sisters. But having them both here for a few days was a real blessing.

Both of them spent a lot of time with our younger son, playing with him and doing projects with him. They also helped my wife know off some of the items on my "honey-do" list.

Feeling better, we took a drive this afternoon to enjoy the autumn foliage and ice cream from Gravity in Honesdale.

By the time we returned home, my pain increased significantly. I am thankful for the few hours of respite, though.

Friends continue to encourage me. My wife continues to love me through better and through worse. My God continues to strengthen me and provide for all my needs. His grace is sufficient for me. And His grace is sufficient for you in your circumstances right now.

Family and friends continue to visit. Our front door is a revolving door. But I enjoy the company. I enjoy the opportunity to be encouraged by and to encourage others. May God allow me to enjoy this blessing as my days on earth continue.

Monday Morning. Perseverance. Circumstances.

2008-10-06T09:30:00.005-04:00

Perseverance. In the Lord. That is what we need this week.

Monday. Monday. Our children are back in school.

We had a wonderful weekend with our WP cadet at home. He looks good. He seems to be doing well, taking it all in stride. He is certainly an encouragement to all of us here at home.

Circumstances.

D.L. Moody once wrote, about Romans 8:28, that if our circumstances find us in God, we shall find God in all our circumstances.

Indeed, God is in all our circumstances. Not a moment passes that do we do recognize the work of His loving hands in our lives. We continue to be truly overwhelmed by the lovingkindness and generosity of friends, understanding, of course, that all good things are ultimately from God above.

A dear friend from church, Elaine, is having surgery this morning. I am lifting her up before the throne of God, knowing that He is in control and that He alone can provide the peace and comfort necessary to endure such circumstances with grace.

The photo below was taken a week ago when we attended an Army Sprint Football game against Air Force. Our cadet, a member of the reserve team, served as the game ball boy. Our younger son was a big fan of the game.

I am blessed to have a wonderful, loving family. Even in the midst of difficult circumstances, we find joy together in the Lord. Because of the joy we find in Him, we are able to persevere.

Sunday Morning Reflections and Reminders

2008-10-05T09:37:00.004-04:00

Sunday morning. I am feeling much better than I did last Sunday evening. A week ago, I could not stay awake. I could not hold a drink in my hands without dropping it. I was in bad shape. I thought that I could be living my last hours.

It is a week later, I am under hospice care, and I am feeling much better. The pain increases and we are trying to keep up with the pain relief. I can feel my body getting weaker.

Having family and friends in town this past week has been great.

Yesterday afternoon, two of my good college friends, Larry and Scott, and Scott's son Seth drove up for a visit and joined us for dinner. It was nice to catch up with these two friends and reminisce about our days at Dickinson College.

We used to see Larry almost every year when we lived in Atlanta and he was traveling for the company he worked for. I have not seen Larry since we moved up here eleven years ago.

We saw Scott once in Atlanta when he was in town for a wedding.

Having two old friends take time to come see me was a real blessing.

This morning, my wife made us a Fench Toast casserole. It was great!

Our children went to church, but I am unable to leave the house.

I am stealing away a few minutes to read my Bible, scan a devotional, and reflect in this post.

I have not spent much time thinking about death. Even though death is a reality for all of us, it is also a victory for the one who believes in and follows the Lord Jesus Christ.

Paul writes that to be absent from the body is to the be present with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8). I have nothing to fear. I know that God will be with me as a walk through the valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23:1). God will never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). So I choose to live my life as fully and productively as I can - spending time with family and friends and leaving whatever kind of legacy I can for the glory of God. God holds my past, present and future. I have the promise that He will continue to guide me through this life and then receive me into glory (Psalm 73:24) because of the imputed righteousness of Jesus Christ granted to me when I placed my faith in Him. With David, I can say that surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever (Psalm 23:6).

Elizabeth George's devotional reminded me this morning that . . .

Nothing will ever happen to me that God does not already know about (Psalm 139:1-4). Nothing will ever happen to me that is a mistake (Psalm 139:4,16). Nothing will ever happen to me that I cannot handle by God's power and grace (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Nothing will ever happen to me that will not eventually use by God for some good purpose in my life (Romans 8:28). Nothing will ever happen to me without God being present with me through it (Matthew 29:20).

The God of Hope

2008-10-04T11:00:00.002-04:00

It is Saturday morning. The Woodalls left for Michigan a few hours ago. My brothers and parents went out for the morning. We have spent some good time together as a family, answering our childrens’ questions and addressing their concerns. Now, I am taking a few minutes to post a blog for today.

About five years ago, at a spiritual lowpoint in my life, my friend Jamie agreed to meet me in Youngstown, Ohio, about half-way between here and his home in Michigan. We spent less than twenty-four hours together in a cheap hotel room reading scripture, praying, and encouraging one another. As we departed, he gave me this scripture to meditate upon:

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Last week, when the Lyerlys visited, they gave us a ceramic plate that they had made up with the same scripture. They have been claiming this verse for me since I was diagnosed with cancer in December.

This morning, I took some time to reflect on this wonderful verse of God’s Word.

God is both the source and the object of our hope.

It is to the God of hope that Paul prays.Every believer should be abounding in hope. This is Paul’s prayer. We should be able to live in this decaying world with the inner strength of the Holy Spirit to persevere through every circumstance with an enthusiasm that is contagious. In God, we are filled with hope. In Him alone do we have hope.

All other hope is blind hope, a hope in hope itself. The hope we have in God is the absolute certainty God will always do what is right and good and just.

This is the hope that I have in my present circumstances. The certainty that God will work out all things for my good and His glory. My hope is not in being healed from this cancer, although that could happen. But my hope is in the Lord Jesus Christ who controls my future. Whether I remain living here on earth or go to be with my Savior, my hope is in Him.

Paul prays that as we trust in Him and believe in Him we will be filled with joy and peace.

Joy is a gift that God gives to all believers. It surpasses all circumstances because it is based on the sovereignty of God. Paul prays that all believers will be filled with joy and peace. This joy and peace are impossible to attain apart from a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Because I trust in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, I have the joy and peace that surpass all circumstances.

Paul prays that the joy and peace given by God should, in turn, result in an overflow of hope in the believer. In other words, this hope should be contagious.

William Barclay once wrote, there are no hopeless situations...there are only men who have grown hopeless about them. My situation is far from hopeless, because my hope is not based on my circumstances. It is based on the God who is above all my circumstances.

It's Friday and I'm Trying to Focus on the Truth

2008-10-03T10:19:00.006-04:00

I had a good night's sleep last night. The pain is under better control, but I am still dealing with pain in my abdomen. Lord willing, the hospice nurse will be able to help with that later today.

Jamie and I stole a few moments and looked into Moses' call in Exodus 4. Moses was a reluctant servant at first, focusing on his own inadequacies instead of seeing the resources available to him from his God. He was going to have to take a step of faith before God would reveal the next part of the plan to Him. That is our struggle today - focusing on our own inadequacies instead of focusing on the sufficiency of God, failing to take the first step of faith that opens up the pathway to God's guidance and blessing.

We ate another big breakfast this morning. Kristie made biscuits and sausage and gravy, one of my favorites.

My two brothers are working on another project for my wife - putting in a new receptacle for our microwave oven. Yesterday, they installed our new kitchen ceiling fan.

My wife just finished reading Loving God with All Your Mind by Elizabeth George. I have been scannning the passages she has highlighted, hoping to glean some insight.

This morning I ran across this passage:

So . . . whenever you slip into thinking of yourself as useless, as worthless, as a failure, a hopeless case, or a loser, remember what is true:

* You are a child of God (John 1:12).
* You are His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10).
* You have been bought by the precious blood of Christ (1 Corinthians 6:20; 1 Peter 1:18-19.)

Especially when facing death, I find that it is important to focus on what is right and what is true.
My wife and Kristie are out for a walk. My daughter is working on homework. We are waiting for my parents to arrive.

After lunch, the Woodalls left to pick up our older son from WP. It will be nice to have him home for the weekend.

I spent some time napping before the hospice nurse came to check me over.

There is now another Wii tournament underway as my two brothers battle each other in bowling and baseball. They have now involved my dad in a game of golf.

This evening, we will be enjoying pizza and wings from the Waymart Hotel.

Today, we secured two burial plots at the Canaan Corners cemetery in South Canaan. I also wrote a rough draft of my obituary. Strange activities for a beautiful Friday afternoon.

I am continuing to enjoy the company of family and friends.

God is so good to me and to my family. May He be glorified above all.

A Quiet Day

2008-10-02T16:27:00.004-04:00

Last night we had a bit of a Wii tournament here at the house. It was fun, even as a spectator.

We seemed to be able to get my pain under better control last night. It still tends to subside in my lower left abdomen.

It is a beautiful fall day. The house was bustling with activity this morning. I woke up and spent an hour or so talking with Jamie and my brothers around the dining room table.

At about 9:30, my parents arrived with my sister Lisa. They brought a copy of the Wayne Independent featuring a story on our family and an update on our battle with cancer. The article was well-written. My mother was so thrilled to have her picture on the front page of the local newspaper!

We all enjoyed a big breakast featuring egg casserole, home fries, fresh fruit, and cinnamon rolls.

After breakfast, my two brothers installed a new ceiling fan in our kitchen. It looks great.

Somtime during the morning, Courtney, one of my daughter's friends arrived to spend the day.

Later in the morning, Joe, my high school Spanish teacher dropped by for a short visit.

After breakfast, the house cleared out as different groups went their own way to pursue various activities.

In the quiet of the afternoon, my wife and I napped and then recorded a few more stories on tape for my younger son.

I have interacted with several more fraternity brothers, and have enjoyed catching up on what they are doing now - 25 years later.

Overall, it has been a quiet, relaxing day. It is nice to be surrounded by family and friends. It is nice to be given the opportunity to say our last goodbyes in person. While I am still coherent. While we still have the opportunity to say the things we want to say. Now to take advantage of the opportunity.

I Woke Up With a Piano in My Left Abdomen

2008-10-01T12:47:00.009-04:00

It is Wednesday.

My parents arrived last night in the midst of a torrential rainstorm. They stayed for only a few minutes before driving to spend the night at the home of some of their friends.

An hour earlier, my cousin Sue and Aunt Betty dropped by with a load of food from Elegante Pizzeria and Restaurant in Forest City. There is more than enough to feed our family, the Woodalls, my parents, and my two brothers (who will be arriving this afternoon).

Other folks are preparing food, which we are having to store in our pastor's extra refrigerator.

One of my college fraternity brothers, Larry, called last night. I was able to update him on my progress. He said he would let some of my other fraternity brothers know about my condition.

I had a painful night. My pain reached a level of 8 or 9 on a scale of 10. My wife had to call hospice. The nurse increased my dosage of morphine and also told my wife to give me two oxycontin tablets if the morphine did not help. After taking both medications, the pain subsided enough for me to sleep, but never really went away. I woke up this morning with a piano in my left abdomen (actually, it was a bad pain, but having a piano in my abdomen may explain the pain).

First thing this morning I recorded a book on tape for Isaac and worked on letters to share with my children on special events in their lives.

My parents arrived here about 10:00 this morning. The Woodalls left to do some errands and make some visits.

I received several e-mails from college fraternity brothers and enjoyed replying.

At lunch we talked about funeral plans and burial plots. Apparently there are some plots available in the Canaan Corners Cemetery in a section where my mom's parents are buried.

We just had a visit from the home health nurse. She flushed my port and increased the dosage on my fentanyl patch.

We continue to receive many nice phone calls, e-mails, and cards from friends who are praying for us and desire to be an encouragement to us.

Merrily is taking a well-deserved nap while my parents have gone to pick up our children from school.

The children are back from school. We are waiting for the Woodalls and my brothers to get here so that we can enjoy our Italian feast.

Tuesday's Entry

2008-09-29T22:20:00.007-04:00

It is Tuesday. It is getting more difficult to blog every day.

Sunday we had the opportunity to go visit our son at West Point, and see a Sprint Football game. It was a blessing to see him from the sidelines as a glorified ball boy, and to meet his friend, Kyle. Kyle is a Rabble-Rouser aka cheerleader. I did not last the whole game, my wife had to take me to the car to sleep. When I woke up the game was over. We drove over to Trophy Point to have a picnic. By the time we got there, I was drowsy and difficult to rouse. It was the first time that my son had seen me fall so far. We left in time for my son to be back in formation.

The ride home was interesting, as I slipped in and out of coherence. My family was amazed at how much I would bounce back just in time to give them important directions for the drive home. On the way home, I kept dropping things, and by the time we arrived at our house, I could not make it into our house. Our neighbors helped me into the house. Later, my wife could not get me into our sofa bed on the first floor, and called a friend, who works as a nurse, to help get me into the bed. Just as they were doing that, I popped awake, and said to my friend, "What are you doing here?" He exclaimed, "You weren't expecting that were you!"

Monday, I woke up to my daughter sitting in the chair, telling me that she had not gone to school yet. My wife later explained that she did not want to leave me alone. After my children left for school, I woke up and told my wife that I felt much better, and told her that I wanted to get into my chair.

The next thing I remember is my wife telling me that my pastor and his wife were coming, and that hospice was on the way to set things up.

While waiting for hospice to arrive, I received phone calls from some of my closest friends. I had an opportunity to tell them how much I love them and how much they mean to me.

Hospice set up a bed in our bedroom, and had me fill out the necessary paperwork, so that they are now in charge of my pain management.

After being exhausted from the hospice admission, I slept while my wife visited with our pastor and his wife.

I woke up to visit with them shortly before another friend brought our two children home from school. I was coherent enough to interact with our two children as they told us about their school days. I was grateful for that time with them. Our daughter informed us that the basketball coaches asked her to be captain of our school JV basketball team. Of course, we were excited that she was chosen to be honored this way.

Monday evening, our friends the Tuttles, visited. We had a nice visit with them. At this point, I can never be sure that a visit is not our last.

After the Tuttles left, we waited for other friends, the Woodalls, to arrive. After getting lost in West Clifford (for a long enough period of time to decide that it would make a good place to plant a church) the Woodalls arrived here at about 11:30.

Most of the group stayed up until about 3:30 am talking. I fell asleep long before that.

This morning, Jamie and I enjoyed some great discussions about the eulogy [I asked him to prepare a eulogy that would lead people in a celebration of who God is and what he has done in my life), about ministry, and about life in general. We laughed a lot. We cried some.

We spent some time reflecting on Psalm 30:1, trying to come up with modern ways to express David's thoughts to God: "I will extol you, O LORD, for You have lifted me up." in contemporary terms. Due to various circumstance, our conversation was cut short. Jamie later came up with the phrase, "I will lift You up High, God, way up High, because You have have lifted me up.. I like that thought. That because God lifts us out of difficult circumstances, we are in a position to lift Him up before others as a God who cares, as a God who protects, as a God who delivers us.
When we are down He lifts us up.

I took my first two doses of morphine last night and today. I resisted, but it is suppose to help me. The first doses did nothing to relieve my pain. I took another pill to help reduce the twitching in my hands, but it has not been very effective either. My hands still shake as I type and I have difficulty grasping things with my hands.

We are looking forward to visits in the next few days from my parents and brothers. My sister Ann will be visiting next week.

I am looking forward to eternity, but concerned about the care of my family when I am gone. I do know that they will by okay, but it is still difficult to give up my concern.

My posts are becoming shallower in their content. The spelling errors and typos are bound to increase. But I plan to continue as long as I am able.

Saturday Preparations for Eternity

2008-09-27T16:44:00.005-04:00

It's Saturday afternoon. Our son is watching The Chronicles of Narnia on video. My wife is in the midst of putting away groceries and preparing dinner.

This morning, my wife helped me enter comments about my students into the computer regarding their first quarter performance. It took us almost two and a half hours because I kept dozing off.

My wife urged me to take a nap while she ventured out to the grocery store to pick up a few things.

My nap was interrupted by a phone call and then a knock at the door. I was thankful for the phone call, otherwise I would not have heard the knock at the door. It was the Houghtlings, dropping by to see me and bring a freshly baked peach kugen. Kugen is German for cake.

The phone rang several times while the Houghtlings were here. First my sister, then my parents, then my wife - to tell me she was on her way home.

By the time my wife arrived home, the Houghtlings had departed and I was talking to my mom on the telephone. I told her that she and dad should plan to visit soon.

I had a good cry with my wife and she asked if I still desired to have company for dinner. I assured her that I did and that I thought that we should talk to our son. Before talking to our son, my brother from Colorado called to talk to my wife about visiting. She encouraged him to visit sooner rather than later.

As I talked to my brother I had a hard time keeping my emotions in check.

Right after I talked to my brother, my wife and I had a conversation with our younger son.

As we sat together, our son crawled up on my lap, hugged me, and kissed my bald head. We asked him to tell us what it means to him to believe in Jesus and what it means to die. We told him that Daddy is going to die soon (unless God intervenes) and go be with Jesus.

I told him that it would be sad. He said that he would not be sad. "I will be so happy because you will be with Jesus." My wife explained that those who are left will be sad because they will have to wait a long time to see me.

We really have no idea about how much he comprehended. But we will try to explain it more to him in the days to come.

All in all, it was a great day.

We are planning for a funeral and praying for a miracle. Either way, we are preparing for eternity.

Our God is an awesome God. He reigns from heaven above . . .

Wading in The Toddler Pool. With Hiccups

2008-09-25T20:32:00.003-04:00

Our friends left this morning. And I think they took some of my grey matter with them. For some reason, I am having difficulty making sense this evening. It may be connected to the drowsiness I feel, or it may be nothing. And hiccups. I have been battling this menace all day. I have been holding my breath, chugging water, and - nothing seems to work. So the battle rages on.

The WP son called. Four of his five grades have been posted. One A and three Bs. Unacceptable for high school. More than acceptable for the first five weeks of WP. Our son is happy with this start, but not content to leave his grades there.

My wife is quizzing our daughter to help her prepare for a history test. I enjoy listening to them work together. Hearing them interact.

Small son is playing with K'nex on the floor. He has built some creative vehicles. He is now able to look at a diagram and build what is being pictured.

This post, I know, is quite shallow. I am shallow this evening. Not into deep thinking. I am wading in the toddler pool this evening.

No More Chasing Rabbits. For His Glory

2008-09-24T16:50:00.006-04:00

Yesterday afternoon we enjoyed the 1st Annual Fall Classic golf outing in our backward. Robin shows her form as she greets the ball. "Hello, ball." Bobby and our son rest between holes.

My wife and I enjoy a quiet moment together in the spectators' gallery. My wife poses with Robin at the end of the tournament.

This morning, my wife and Robin went to visit with our pastor's wife. Bobby and I enjoyed breakfast at the Trackside Grill in Honesdale with our pastor.

This evening, we are going to enjoy Chinese takeout.

I just had a great e-mail from our son at West Point. He is having a great day and is doing well on his WPRs. Written Proficiency Exams.

Bobby and Robin are leaving in the morning. It has been such a blessing to spend time with friends I have not seen in five years. Friends who prayed for and encouraged us in the two or three years leading up to our salvation.

For me, this is how I want to spend the rest of my life - hanging out with friends who have been such an important part of our lives. Sharing the goodness of God and the grace available through the Lord Jesus Christ. Spending time with my students. And sharing the life lessons I have learned with my wife and children.

The rest of my life is going to be spent doing what I consider to be meaningful in the eyes of the Lord, not chasing rabbits. I am not giving up hope, but I am confident that I have done (and am doing) everything that I need to do medically and nutritionally to fight this cancer. It is in the Lord's hands. One day at a time, I plan to live life to its fullest. For a week. For a month. For a year. Or for ten years. For His glory.

Tuesday Morning Tales

2008-09-23T06:43:00.005-04:00

Late night talks with friends is near the top of our "favorite things to do" list. Only now I tend to doze off in the middle of a conversation. [I have already dozed off several times this morning while starting this blog entry.] I wake up to hear my wife and our friends laughing at me. Is that kind?

My wife and our friend Robin just left to take our daughter to school. Our son is still sleeping upstairs. I am staying home today and tomorrrow to spend time with our friends.

Our son just woke up. [I am writing sporadically.] After snuggling with me for a few minutes, he asked our friend Bobby to get him some juice and a piece of jelly toast. They are now having a conversation in the kitchen.

When the ladies arrive back home, we will enjoy some breakfast casserole. And more coffee.

I am listening to the conversation coming from the kitchen. As an incentive to get our son to eat his toast, Bobby offered to eat a piece of candy corn (made with high-fructose corn syrup) for every bite of toast he eats. It is great to have friends willing to make such sacrifices for our children.

I talked to our older son last night. He made the reserve team for Sprint Football. If I remember correctly that means that he does not travel with the team to away games, but practices with the team (occasionally?), and he has a shot at making the regular team next season.

Bobby and our son are playing with a fire truck on the floor of the living room.

This day is starting out to be a great stay-at-home day.

I need to stop writing and be a part of it.

Pot Roast, If You Must Know.

2008-09-22T16:26:00.003-04:00

It is a beautiful, sunny day. A bit cool.

It is Monday afternoon and I am drowsy. I slept most of the way home and will probably nod off again before dinner.

Pot roast, if you must know.

Friends from Georgia are on their way to see us. I am very excited. I have not seen them for about five years.

I am taking two days off from school to spend time with them.

Since sharing our latest news about the cancer, we have been inundated by phone calls and e-mails. The love of Christ abounds. We are overwhelmed by the kindness and concern demonstrated by our friends and family. We should not be surprised.

I am blessed by the lovingkindness shown by both former and present students. Seventh grade boys, who tend to be the most self-centered people among us, stop by my desk after class and ask me how I am feeling. Second graders tell me they are praying for me every day. Recent alumni e-mail to tell me how encouraged they are about how God is working in my life.

Our son e-mailed to tell us that his chemistry exam went well and that he has a meeting about Sprint Football later today. We are as anxious as he is to hear whether he made the final cut.

The folks at West Point have gone above and beyond to show kindness to our son and to help him through this difficult time in his life. For this, we are very thankful.

The head is starting to bob. My nap is calling.

An Interesting Journey

2008-09-21T13:53:00.002-04:00

We had a nice visit with our son at West Point yesterday afternoon and evening.

After a picnic dinner of fried chicken, potato salad, fresh fruit, raw vegetables, and chocolate chip cookies, our daughter took our younger son into the field to play while we talked to our older son.

We told him about the latest report from the oncologist - that there is little to nothing that can be done from a medical standpoint to cure my cancer. There are some things that can be done to ease the pain and possibly prolong my life a few months, but nothing to stop or cure the cancer.

We told him that we are not giving up hope. We are praying for healing. We know that God is in control and that He is not bound by statistics or medical treatments.

We will continue with a regimen of homeopathic and natural remedies we began a few weeks ago.

We will continue to take this thing one day at a time. And trust in the Lord each step of the way. Seeking to glorify Him and learn all we can.

It has been difficult telling our children, other family members, and close friends about this latest news. How do you tell your loved ones that you have a limited time left? How do you explain it to a five-year-old? These are things with which we must wrestle.

We are thankful for the multitudes of people who are praying for us. We have never done this before. It will be an interesting journey.

Did I Mention The Potato Salad?

2008-09-20T08:55:00.003-04:00

I am enjoying a cup of hot coffee on a cool, but sunny, Saturday morning. My wife is on the phone. My son is playing with his train set and Legos. My daughter is still in bed. It is a somewhat typical Saturday morning.

In a few hours we will be leaving to drive up to West Point to see our older son. We are all looking forward to the visit. My wife made a batch of fried chicken and a bowl of potato salad to take. A late afternoon picnic on the Hudson River at Trophy Point.

Yesterday I received a special blessing in the mail. A card. From the son of good friends. Friends who are coming to visit us this week. It is a blessing to see your friends' children grow up and appropriate the faith for their own. To choose to contine to walk with the Lord. This young man is not just the son of a friend. He is a friend and a brother in Christ. And to know that he and his college friends are praying for us is very humbling.

I am praising and thanking God for His goodness and His provision of strength. He enabled me (allowed me) to teach for five days this week. In the classroom I have the strength I need to be able to lead my classes in learning. I pray that I am half the blessing to my students that they are to me.

It is a somewhat typical Saturday morning - but did I mention the potato salad?

Encouragement on An Index Card

2008-09-18T17:43:00.003-04:00

Someone left me an index card on my desk this morning. On it was written the words of Isaiah 43:1-3a

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Though these words were written to Israel, we can take comfort in them today as God's adopted sons and daughters.

We have no need to fear, knowing we belong to the Lord. He has redeemed us by the blood of His Son Jesus Christ. He has called us by name. We are his.

We have no need to fear, knowing the Lord is with us. Through every trial we may face, He promises to be by our side. To protect us. To keep us from being consumed.

It is a beautiful pre-autumn day. Sunny and cool. Our daughter is at an away soccer game. Our younger son is sleeping on the floor of the living room. His K5 class had an extra day of school today. They went on a field trip to a local cider mill. My wife declared that today was a good day, as she held up a to-do list with all the items crossed off.

I am thankful that I have successfully made it through the fourth day of our first five-day week at school. I am thankful that God has allowed me the strength and has relieved the pain enough for me to do what I love to do.

And today, I am thankful for friends who encourage me with the word of God. In person. Over the phone. By letter or e-mail. Or on an index card.

Two of My Favorite Quotes

2008-09-17T20:40:00.002-04:00

I may have shared these in earlier posts, but these are two of my favorite quotes. Both hang in a prominent place in my classroom where I can read them every day - several times a day.

The wick exists only to be consumed. If it survives, it has failed of its purpose. There is no such thing as costless spiritual service. As we minister to others, virtue will go out of us. Ours is the privilege of offering ourselves as fuel for the flame of God.
- J. Oswald Sanders

To be used by God. What a privilege! When I leave the classroom at the end of the day, I do not want to leave having held back anything good from my students. I want to give them and God my best each day. I fail each day, but my goal each day is to be completely used up in service to the One who gave me life and breath.

I have now concentrated all my prayers into one, and that one prayer is this, that I may die to self and live wholly to Him. - Charles Spurgeon.

To die to self and live wholly to Him. A lofty goal. To remember that it is not about me, but all about Him. To give up my will for His. Again, I fail each day. But I owe it to Him to try. And try again. Each and every day.

I try to live out my faith before my students. I want them to see me trying to walk worthy of my calling in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 4:1). I want them to see me walking in the good works that God has prepared for me (Ephesians 2:10).

I want them to see me when, by God's grace, I am victorious. And I want them to see me when I fail and call upon the Lord for mercy.

I want them to see a man who loves the Lord and has chosen to live for Him.

An Uneventful Day

2008-09-16T20:22:00.003-04:00

Today was not what I would call an eventful day.

But it was a day that the Lord has made. And I rejoiced. And I was glad to be able to enjoy the day and the opportunities it provided to know Christ better and to serve others.

It is such a joy and a blessing to be able to serve others. By being an encouragement. By being a helper. By teaching. By listening. By being an example. Even when we may be physically limited in the ways we can serve, there are always ways we can minister to the needs of others.

Our younger son announced this evening that today was a great stay-at-home day.

This evening friends brought over dinner and dessert. We had a great meal together and a great time of fellowship. Even though our five-year-old tried to keep himself at the center of attention.

Our daughter is at an away soccer game. My wife will have to leave in forty minutes or so to pick her up.

I forgot to mention this earlier this week, but my daughter finally found a husband. Even though she is not allowed to date for another ten or fifteen years. The husband she found is actually a pillow that has two arm-like extensions for support. Sitting in the pillow, one feels as though she is being hugged. I imagine the name "husband" is derived from such a description. Apparently my wife and some of her friends also had husbands when they were in high school. Some waited until they were in college.

Our older son called a few minutes ago. Just to share how his day at WP was. He is trying to get plenty of rest and still get his work done. I did my best to encourage him as he continues to adjust from high school to college-level academics. He is enjoying and doing well in chemistry, which very much pleases his high school chemistry teacher (who also happens to be his dad).

He tells us that he is signed up to take Chinese as his language next year. It was a quick decision made during Cadet Basic Training this past summer. He is hoping that he can switch to Russian.

He is still working hard to stay on the sprint football team. The coach will be making final cuts after the game on Sunday. All in all, he has done pretty well for someone who has never before played organized football. Needless to say, I am proud of him and will be happy whether or not he makes the final cut.

My wife, son, and our friends picked two ripe pumpkins from our old garden this evening. I may have mentioned this already, but these two pumpkins are the progeny of a smashed pumpkin discarded in our old garden spot last fall. By a fluke, this patch of ground was not mowed this summer, enabling the pumpkins to grow under a cover of weeds until discovered a few weeks ago. What a pleasant surprise. And maybe the start of a new way of gardening for our family.

Thank you Lord for this uneventful day.

Peace and Grace

2008-09-15T16:23:00.004-04:00

Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with you all . . . The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen. 2 Thessalonians 3:16, 18.

In the midst of great uncertainty, Paul closes his letter asking the God of grace and peace to bless the Thessalonian believers with peace and grace.

Peace is not characterized by the absence of conflict, trial, or uncertainty. Peace is a hope and an inner confidence that we have in the midst of turmoil. It is an unexplained calmness when the pressure is building.

And it is found only in Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is our peace.

Grace is the unmerited favor of God. It is by grace that we are saved from our sin. It is by grace that we live a life pleasing to God. Everything that we have and everything that we are is because of His grace.

It too is found only in Jesus Christ.

As we face days of uncertainty, my wife and I find peace in our relationship with Jesus Christ. We have a hope that is not dependent upon our circumstances. We have confidence that God will carry us through the trials in a way that glorifies Himself and causes us to mature in Christlikeness.

By His grace, and His grace alone, will we be able to stand fast through the difficult times ahead. Grace means that we do not deserve anything from God, but because of His amazing love, we know that He will give us everything we need and more to live our lives in a way that is pleasing to Him.

Today, I am thankful that the pain is not so severe.

My wife talked with our oncologist this morning. He will be calling an adult Ewing's Sarcoma specialist at Sloan-Kettering in NYC for a consultation. We are exploring all available options in an effort to make the most informed choice about our future plan of action.

Ultimately we know that God is in control of our days and we pray that His will may be done.

Do Not Grow Weary

2008-09-14T10:31:00.003-04:00

In 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15, Paul warns the believers against idleness. Because they were expecting Christ to return at any moment, some had quit their jobs and were refusing to work. Some were depending on the kindness and generosity of others. Some were becoming busybodies - like the idle widows in Titus.

Paul urged the believers that were being obedient to God's Word to separate from those who were being disobedient. He further encouraged them to follow the example of Paul and his companions, who - although they could have chosen to live off the generosity of those they served - insisted on working and supporting themselves.

He told the obedient believers: Do not grow weary. Although they were tired of supporting those who were being lazy, they should not stop helping those who were truly in need.

This requires discernment. Discernment to know who has chosen to remain idle and who is truly in need because of difficult circumstances.

As I sit here in my chair on Sunday morning, I think about how perfectly acceptable - in our society - for me to turn my thoughts inward and focus on getting my pain relieved. How it would be perfectly acceptable for me to stop working, to stop looking for ways to serve others. But that is not acceptable in my mind. I do not think that God wants me to think that way. I want to serve in any way I can as long as I can.

I think that, often, our most effective ministry to others occurs in the midst of trials.

My Times Are In Your Hand

2008-09-13T10:52:00.003-04:00

But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD; I say, "You are my God." My times are in Your hand. Psalm 31:14-15a.

Like David, I choose to trust in God. No matter what.

He is my Lord. I choose to submit my will to His. He has redeemed me by His blood and has the right to tell me what to do, how to live. And His way is always better than my own.

He is my God. Because of Jesus Christ, I have a personal relationship with God. I do not practice a religion. Following Christ is not a set of "do's" and "don'ts." It is not a ritual or routine. It is not a way of trying to earn favor with God. It is a dynamic relationship based on His love for me and my love for Him.

My times are in His hand. I know that He is in control.

Commenting about this last part of the passage, Spurgeon makes several helpful observations.

God is near. Though He is far greater than His creation, He is, at the same time, intimately involved. He is always near.

Because my times are in His hands, I do not need to fear man. There is nothing that men can do to me that will affect God's love and care for me.

This passage reminds us that we have help in times of temptation. Because God is in control. I do not have to give in to the temptation to take matters into my own hands.

This passage is a cure for present worry. Why worry when God is near and in control?

It is also quiets dread of the future. God is at work in our present and holds the key to our future.

This passage gives us a motivation to serve God. God equips us to do everything we are called to do for Him. He will protect us and He is responsible for the outcome.

Finally, this passage reminds us of our future blessing. The God who is sovereign over our present circumstances has promised us (all those who have placed their trust in Jesus Christ and His finished work on the cross at Calvary) that we will be with Him for eternity.

My times are in Your hand.

Take time today to reflect on everything that means to you as a follower of Jesus Christ. And if you are not presently following Christ, ask yourself if placing your times in His hands is the right and reasonable thing to do.

Friday Notes

2008-09-12T16:32:00.002-04:00

It has been a few days since I have posted.

The pain in my thighs has been severe, and we are still experimenting with dosages of pain medication.

On Wednesday, I had a blood transfusion. My hemoglobin level was a 6.9. Normal for adult males is 14, I think. That probably explains why I have been so drowsy lately.

On Thursday, we visited the oncologist. He gave me some suggestions for pain management and explained our options for treatment of the cancer in these new areas. He gave us some literature to read. So, my wife and I have to take some time to prayerfully consider the options available to us at this point.

Today I had a CAT scan of my chest and abdominal area to see if the cancer has spread into any of the internal organs. We should have the results of that test next week.

Thankfully, I have friends who were willing to drive me to my appointments on Wednesday and Friday so that my wife could teach for me at school. I am thankful for these friends and servants of the Lord.

I am thankful for my wife who loves me so much that she is committed to teaching for me when I cannot.

We are continuing to trust the Lord, day by day, moment by moment.

Blessed be the LORD, who daily bears our burden, the God who is our salvation. Psalm 68:19.

God is Faithful

2008-09-09T05:52:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was the first day in a while that I missed making a post on this blog. I wanted to. I just couldn't. I was in too much pain.

I awoke yesterday in great pain, yet decided to persevere and go to school. I asked God for the strength and endurance I would need to get through the school day. And He provided.

But by yesterday evening, the pain was severe again. By the time I got home, all I could do was crawl in bed.

God is faithful.

In 2 Thessalonians 3:3-5, Paul reminds the Thessalonian believers - believers that were under attack - that God is faithful. God will strengthen them and give them protection.

No matter what we experience as His children, we know that God is faithful.

As this day begins, I am confident that God will give me everything I need to serve and to glorify Him today. Though He may not take away all the pain, I know that He will help me endure the pain so that I can carry out the tasks of the day.

God is faithful.

The Best Is Yet to Come

2008-09-07T20:13:00.005-04:00

In 2 Thessalonians 3:1-2, Paul asks for prayer - not for himself and his companions - but that the word of the Lord may have free course and be glorified. He prays that he might have the freedom to preach and teach the word of God, so that the word of God can do its work.

In Hebrews 4:12 we read that the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword . . .

Paul prays that this word might be released so that it does its dynamic, life-changing work in the lives of others.

He knows that its is not his preaching and teaching that changes lives. It is the word of God.

People need to hear or read the word of God. And when they do so with open hearts and minds, by the grace of God, they will be changed. They will begin to understand who God is and what He has done, They will begin to understand their lost condition apart from God, their need for forgiveness, and their need for a relationship with Jesus Christ. They will begin to understand that, for those who come to God through faith in Jesus Christ . . .

the best is yet to come.

One of the ways that I get through each day with cancer is focusing on this fact that the best is yet to come. At the end of this, I will be with my Lord and Savior. This I know . . . for the Bible tells me so.

Rainy Saturday

2008-09-06T17:13:00.003-04:00

It is a lazy Saturday here at our home in northeastern Pennsylvania. It has been raining all day.

I really like rain. I am not sure why, but I always have.

Walking in the rain. Singing in the rain. Jumping in puddles.

Reading 2 Thessalonians 2:13-17 today, I was somewhat relieved that Paul had transitioned away from his discussion of judgment, apostasy, and the man of sin. That was some heavy stuff. Necessary, but heavy.

Here, he gives thanks to God for the Thessalonian believers and reminds them it is because of God's love that they have been chosen by Him. He has called them to stand fast and to hold on to the great traditions of their faith. And he reminds the believers that God continues to strengthen and support them through each day.

It as if to say, after all the talk about apostasy and judgment, that you have no need to worry. You were called by God to glory, not to judgment. Because you belong to Him, you will be spared the events previously described.

It is comforting to know, as I read this passage, that I am loved by God and that He will strengthen me and support me through difficult times.

He has and He is strengthening me and supporting me. It is by His grace alone that I/we have been able to stand fast in this battle with cancer. As we face even greater uncertainty in the months to come, we have no doubt that God is with us every step of the way. Because of Him we have no reason to worry. We have no reason to fear.

Truth

2008-09-05T06:21:00.003-04:00

In 2 Thessalonians 2:8-12, Paul describes the time (at the midpoint of the Tribulation, following the Rapture of the Church) when "the man of lawlessness" will be revealed. This counterfeit Christ will profess to be God and will deceive many with his power, signs, and lying wonders. Those who are deceived will be those who have rejected the truth and have chosen to live in unrighteousness. But Jesus Christ will defeat and destroy this counterfeit Christ and will judge those who have rejected Him. They will suffer the consequences for their sins.

It is so important for us to listen to the truth today. Not to make a decision about the truth is the same as rejecting it. The day will come when those who have rejected the truth will no longer be able to recognize the truth. Their blindness will prevent them from hearing and responding to the invitation to be forgiven, redeemed, and saved. Their blindness will result in suffering the consequences for their rejection of Jesus Christ and the truth, for the consequences of their sins, for eternity.

Even now, many have rejected the idea that there can be such a thing as truth. Many ignore the truth.

As an example, it is evident in this election that many people, on both sides, have not taken time to understand the issues or to really research the candidates. They will base their decision on emotion. On the basis of which candidate is more appealing to them. I may have a cynical view of this election, but I do not get the impression that most voters have taken time to determine what is true.

Jesus said that we must know the truth and that the truth will set us free. The truth can be known and the freedom it brings is available to all who will embrace it.

The Restrainer

2008-09-04T05:58:00.005-04:00

Writing about 2 Thessalonians 2:6-7 Augustine said, I admit that the meaning of this completely escapes me.

That's good. That's honest. Maybe I ought to use that phrase more often. Maybe other students of God's word ought to make that admission more readily. Not too often, though, that we use it as an excuse for inadequate study.

Here, Paul writes about how a "restrainer" is keeping the Antichrist from being revealed until God's appointed time. Apparently, the recipients of letter knew what Paul was talking about, but we are left to speculate about the identity of this "restrainer."

Ultimately, we know that it is God who restrains evil in this world. It is God who is sovereign over all things, including the works of the devil.

I think about how much evil is in our world today. Then, only for a moment, I think about what it would be like if God were not putting a restraint on evil and the evil one. I am so thankful that God is in control and that He protects His childen.

Some politicians claim that they can make the world a better place. But, in reality, it will continue to decay. Things are going to get worse before they get better. But they will only get better when Christ returns in all His glory and sets up His earthly kingdom.

Barack Obama is not the hope of the future. Neither is John McCain. Jesus Christ is our only hope.

Today Is A Great Day!

2008-09-03T16:58:00.005-04:00

This morning a friend shared this thought with my wife . . .

Enjoy today. It won't come again.

Today is a great day!

Our five-year-old had his first day of K5 today. He woke up this morning with great excitement. Here he is all dressed and eager to go . . .

Of course, he was very tired and fell asleep on the way home this afternoon. But now he is happily playing with Legos.

It is also a great day because our daughter got her braces off! Here she is with a big smile . . .

She celebrated after school by enjoying a caramel apple . . .

Our celebration will continue as we enjoy a dinner of grilled chicken and fresh sweet corn. For the first time in several years, her corn will not need to be cut off the cob.

Today is a great day because I got to go to school and teach my students.

Today is a great day because we have everything we need.

We have great friends.

Most of all, because we have a great God who is above all yet cares for us as a loving Father.